‘I will leave all your husband’s things until you tell me.’
I was grateful for this.
But, eventually, I let her clean out my husband’s belongings. I felt a throb of shame that I could not bring myself to do the task, but by then I had become so used to letting Nisha do everything for me – and for the baby, when she eventually arrived – that it took almost nothing to turn to the window and sip my coffee, Aliki asleep in her bassinet, while Nisha removed every trace of my marriage from the room.
*
I suddenly noticed that Aliki was standing in the garden looking at me. She was holding Monkey.
‘Does that cat belong to us now?’ I asked, pretending to be cross.
‘Ask him,’ she said. At that, she released Monkey, who took the opportunity to spread out on the ground and set about licking himself. Then Aliki stepped into the boat with me.
‘I’m hungry,’ she said. ‘Are you going to make supper?’
‘Yes. Yes, my baby, I will make it in a moment. I’m sorry it’s gotten so late.’
‘That’s OK. But I am hungry.’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘But first, would you tell me about the Sea Above the Sky? I’m feeling sad. I’m missing Nisha and I think I would like to hear a story.’
She looked at me for a moment, then said, ‘OK, then. Close your eyes.’
I did as she said.
‘You mustn’t peep. I can tell if you are peeping!’
I scrunched up my eyes, to prove that I wouldn’t cheat.
‘Most boats go forwards and backwards, but this one goes upwards,’ she said. ‘Into the sky. We have to go through the layers of sky and then we get to the sea.’
‘Isn’t the sea on the ground?’ I asked.
‘No. And don’t interrupt. Just be patient,’ Aliki said.
I smiled at the scolding. Just be patient. Those words reminded me of Stephanos. I was always more eager than him to get on with things, to make plans, to get married, to get pregnant. Chill out, Petra. Just be patient. It’s not because he didn’t love me, I had no doubt about that, but he was a man who wanted to take everything a step at a time, slowly, as if we had all the time in the world. It was also how we made love, so unrushed, so slow, and it made me go crazy for him.
‘We’re there,’ Aliki said. ‘But don’t open your eyes.’
I nodded and kept my eyes closed.
‘Up here it’s eight hours ahead,’ she said, ‘so the sun is coming up. But just coming up, so it’s still kind of dark. The sea is shiny, all silver and gold. The sea is as wide as the sky, it never ends, so you can sail above any country in the whole world. When you look down through the water, you can see the earth, all the trees and rivers and houses. And the people.’
‘Are there people up here, too?’ I asked.
‘Sometimes, but not today. There are plenty of birds, though. They are birds that have died and now they are here and they make promises to each other. Some of them used to be human and they came here to find each other again. But not all – some of them were birds before.’
I opened my eyes now and looked at my daughter. Her hair was wild about her shoulders, and shining a deep glossy brown. She was wearing her pyjamas and her wrists and ankles seemed to be bursting from them. How had she grown, this child of mine? I could see the past in her eyes, Stephanos looking out at me, just for a second, before the memory of him vanished and then there was only Aliki. Aliki. Aliki in her own right. With her beautiful almost-translucent skin and silver veins on her lids and flushed cheeks and soft ridge in her brow and cheek bones like half-moons. She took my breath away.
The cat jumped on my lap and rubbed its head against my arm, my shoulder and my face, its soft purr close to my ear.
‘Can we have dinner now, Mum?’ she asked.
Mum.
‘Yes,’ I said.
‘Mum?’
‘Yes?’
‘I miss Nisha.’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘So do I.’
‘Is she coming back?’ Aliki asked.
‘I don’t think so, but I don’t know for sure.’
‘Are you trying to find her?
‘I am.’
Aliki was quiet for a while and then in a very serious voice she said, ‘She was worried about the birds.’
‘The birds?’ I said.
‘The ones that get trapped on the lime sticks by their feathers and legs. She was going to tell the man to stop stealing all the birds from the sky.’
‘What man?’