Seraphim tried angling to the left and to the right, to get the mouflon from a different angle.
And then I saw his finger begin to tighten on the trigger.
In the next second, without thinking, I rushed into his line of fire, and before I could think another thought, he fired.
There was a searing pain in my arm, as if it had been scorched with fire.
Even through my pain, I heard the animal behind me fall. I heard its collapse, meeting the earth among the fallen leaves. Although I had my back to it, I could see its rapid decline in my mind’s eye – and I still see it, time and again.
Seraphim lowered his gun. ‘Fuck,’ he said.
I had grabbed my arm and could feel warm blood leaking through a huge tear in my jacket. The bullet had sliced through my skin on route to the mouflon behind me.
I turned to look. It was lying on its side, a hole in its chest, a gradually expanding pool of blood on the ground beside it. Its eyes were open. It was still alive. I crouched down beside it and placed my bloody hand on its back, stroking its fur. ‘It’s all right,’ I whispered. A stupid thing to say.
It glanced at me sideways, its amber eyes now pools of liquid gold. I stroked its head. It was all that I could do. Its breathing was shallow and strained. Finally, it took its last breath and its eyes lost their focus.
Crouching down on the ground beside the dead animal I began to cry in a way that I had not cried since I was a boy. I cried for loving Nisha, for missing her, for being afraid for her. I cried for this beautiful creature whose life had been cut short so senselessly. I cried for the way it had looked at me as it lay dying, and I cried for the needless deaths of so many animals.
Seraphim moved behind me, and, remembering that he was there, I turned. He had lowered his gun now and was holding it loosely at his side.
I got up. I’m not sure what expression I wore on my face, but whatever it was, he took a step back, in spite of the fact that it was he who was holding a weapon.
‘Are you all right?’ He seemed shaken and smaller.
‘Tell me what you did with Nisha.’
He stared at me without speaking. I took another step forward; he took another back and tightened his grip on the gun.
‘Where is she?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Seraphim!’
‘I’m telling you the truth! She never came to see me. I promise you on my mother’s grave.’ He crossed himself and held my gaze. ‘I’m sorry. I apologise, you’re bleeding. Let’s get you to the hospital.’
Maybe it was my face, my eyes, or maybe something had happened to him when he heard me cry, because his eyes were wide and alarmed, and now in front of me stood an uncertain man, apologetic and confused to his rotten core.
I saw that his hand was shaking and he dropped the gun as he held his hands up. ‘I promise you,’ he said again. ‘If you still don’t believe me, let me show you something.’
He glanced at me tentatively, waiting for me to respond and I nodded. He reached into his back pocket and retrieved his phone, then he scrolled through it and held it out for me to take from his hand.
He’d opened up to a series of messages between him and Nisha.
31/10 22.16
Dear Mr seraphim I am running a little late because it was difficult for me 2 leave but I will be at Marias bar in half an hour.
31/10 22.19
Ok. Please don’t be too late as I need to leave earlier this evening.
31/10 22.21
Dear Mr seraphim I will try my best to get there as soon as possible Thank you for meeting it is very important.
31/10 23.15
I am still waiting. Are you on your way?
31/10 23.43
Hello Nisha?
01/11 00.01
I’m afraid I will have to leave now.
Then he took back the phone and scrolled through again. This time he wanted me to look at a series of text messages between him and his wife.
31/10 22.10
Please come home early tonight? Been a long day. Need a hug.
31/10 22.18
I will. Don’t worry. Love you
31/10 22.22
I won’t be too long. Waiting for someone, have a meeting, shouldn’t take long. Hug is coming! Love you
‘What does this prove? Someone else could have been involved,’ I said.
Seraphim blew out a puff of frustrated air. ‘What do you think happened? What are you imagining? You can go through my entire phone. Go ahead! I’ve got nothing to hide from you.’
Still holding the phone, I turned back to the mouflon. It lay there peacefully, unmoving, its right horn digging into the earth at an odd angle. Its eyes were still open, one looking straight up through the leaves of the trees at the morning sky, which was still half-dark. I stared down at it through watery eyes.