I stood and grabbed a bottle of vodka from the shelf behind her desk, cracking the top open. I glanced around, but there were no glasses in her office.
She held a hand out. “After everything that just went down? I’ll chug it straight from the bottle. Hand it over.”
I did as I was told.
She took a long swig, wincing as she swallowed, then held it out to me.
I shook my head. “I can’t. Alcohol makes me weak. It’s harder to fight him off.”
“So did he take over tonight? Is that why you attacked War? What about the other night at the ice-cream parlor?”
“That was still me, but his voice was loud in my ear, urging me on. When I do things like that, it’s because he’s trying to take over. If I’m quick enough, I can fight him off.”
“And if you aren’t?”
I shrugged. “Then he wins.”
She bit her lip. “That doesn’t sound like a good thing.”
“It’s not.”
She took another swig from the bottle. “Was it my fault?”
I frowned. “That I have DID?”
“That Scythe pushed through tonight?”
I didn’t say anything.
“Shit, it was, wasn’t it?”
“The doctors say his appearances are triggered by trauma. When something comes up that I can’t deal with, Scythe takes over. Seeing you like that with War…I thought he was hurting you. That hurt me. So Scythe intervened.” I met her gaze. “I clearly owe you an apology.”
She shook her head. “I think I owe you one. I should have told you about War. We’re…”
“In a sexual relationship.”
She blinked. “I…I don’t know. I guess so. I mean, yes, we were having sex tonight, but I don’t know if that’s an ongoing arrangement…” Her cheeks went the prettiest shade of pink when she was embarrassed. “I should have told you.”
“It’s not my business who you sleep with. But perhaps if I’m working, you could just let me know in advance, so I don’t ruin things for you.”
Her mouth pulled into a line. “It is your business. We had a date. And a kiss…”
That kiss had been like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I could still taste her on my lips if I thought hard enough about it. But that didn’t give me the right to dictate who she was intimate with.
Mine.
She grabbed my hand, and Scythe’s voice faded away. “I like you. I want another date. Another kiss. I want more everything. But I just got out of a long-term, very horrible relationship. I just want to live for a little bit. Without restraints.”
My life was all about restraints. The hold I constantly had to put on Scythe was only part of it. My family’s business and demands and threats made up the other half.
I would have loved to live without any of that. To know what it truly felt like to be free. That would never happen for me, but I would never stand in her way.
Maybe I could live it vicariously through her. “I won’t barge in next time you’re having sex with someone.”
She raised an eyebrow, then stifled a giggle. “Okay. That’s a good start. And you’ll take me out on a second date?”
She could have asked me to fly her to the moon. I would have said yes.
She could have asked me to kill for her. Fuck, I would have killed that Caleb asshole in the middle of the daycare parking lot, but what did you do? Nothing. Pussy. Who do you think she’d prefer? Your little boy romantic notions? Or me?
He’d be in my head for days now. He always was after I slipped and let him out for a moment. The urge to go find a knife to run my fingers over was there, and that was a very Scythe thing to do.
I should have said no. I was a danger to everyone around me.
Especially her.
But when I opened my mouth, all that came out was, “Yes.”
30
WAR
The roar of motorcycle engines had droned on, nearly constantly, for the past two days while steady streams of riders arrived for my old man’s funeral. Hundreds of them turned up at the gate, got checked over by Fang, and then were let in. They were everywhere I looked from the little porch of my property, deep in the woods within the compound’s fences.
I hated it. I had a room at the clubhouse when I wanted to be around people, but the rest of the time, I spent in my cabin. It was far enough away that I didn’t hear the noise of the other guys in the club, but with hundreds of extras, there was no hiding from people.
I stifled a groan as another figure strode through the trees surrounding me.