Suddenly, the ignition of a car catching. Ulysses darted to the window and lifted it up. Streetlights nigh on useless against the sludge, and red tail lights disappearing. He closed the window quick, but still the stench of sulphur got in.
Temps! （It was Col.） Temps! Down ’ere, mate!
Ulysses put on his shoes, pulled a jumper over his head and went down the stairs into an unlit bar.
Col?
Light from the fire flickering, and a cigarette pulsing in Col’s mouth.
Col, mate?
It’s done, Temps. Justice has been served this night of unholy nights. And Col pointed his cigarette towards the hearth and the dark shape of a body.
Bloody hell, Col! What the fuck you done?
Nothing. Pure as the driven snow I am. I’m the rubbish disposal, that’s all. And that’s Davy.
Or was Davy, because Davy was definitely dead, head poking out of a grimy tarpaulin.
Ulysses walked around the body. How d’you know it was Davy?
Because Tubby said it was Davy so Davy it bloody is, and Col poured out another drink.
Where’s Claude?
He’s about.
Ulysses went out into the kitchen. Not here, he shouted. Walked over to the front door and picked up a single blue feather. He held it up. Where is he, Col?
Must’ve followed Tubby out.
What d’ya do to him?
Nothing.
What d’ya do?
Fair is foul and foul is fair.
You what?
That’s what he said to me. And then he says, Hovers through the filthy air. Filthy air. I mean, how does he know? That bird gives me the shits.
Suddenly at the door a face loomed large, and the two men screamed.
Only me, said Cressy through the stained glass.
Don’t come in, said Ulysses.
Let him in, shouted Col.
Let me in, said Cress, and Cress came in. He stood next to Ulysses and Col and looked down on the body.
Where’d that come from? he said.
Tubby, said Ulysses. Apparently, it’s Davy.
What’s all this ‘apparently’？ said Col. Apparently yourself.
He don’t look like a Davy to me, said Cress.
God help me, said Col.
Suddenly, the fire went out.
Fair is foul and foul is fair, said Ulysses.
Jesus, said Col. Let’s get it out of here.
Col, Ulysses and Cress sat in the front of the ambulance with the ignition running and the headlights hardly denting the soupy dark.
I’ll go, said Ulysses, and he tied a handkerchief around his nose and mouth and switched on the torch. He walked in front of the vehicle, guiding it through Nichols Square, until they got to Hackney Road, where he climbed back in. The occasional car passed, a lorry too. Col waited and managed to settle in behind a trolleybus on its way to Leyton. The three men began to relax.
Cress broke the silence. He said, Death, the final frontier.
No kidding, Einstein, said Col.
You’re allowed one last meal, Temps, said Cress. What would it be?
Now that’s a question, Cress, and Ulysses thought for a moment. Beef brisket, he said. Without a doubt. But when I was in Italy, a woman cooked me spaghetti and I’d never tasted anything like it. Bit spicy. Rich tomato sauce. It meant everything to me. Maybe because I did think it was the last meal I was ever going to have. I thought I was the luckiest man alive.
Col and Cress nodded. Wondered what that might feel like to be the luckiest man alive. And they stared ahead into the unknown. Their eyes riding on two faint beams of light that went nowhere.
Col said, My last meal would be between a woman’s legs.
I think you missed your turning, said Ulysses.
Col cursed. He pulled over sharply and reversed.
They got to the outskirts of Epping Forest a little after two in the morning and Mother Nature ran for cover. The trees had filtered a lot of the gunk and the fog appeared whiter, more celestial and graced the trunks with a light spread. Col turned off the ignition and threw them into night. The sound of an owl. The sound of a ticking engine. The sound of Col’s stomach.
I came here with Fionnula, he said. To this very spot. Feels like a lifetime ago.
You came here with Fionnula? said Ulysses.
Yep. This very spot. No one around for miles. Even then I thought it was the perfect place to bury a body.
Don’t let anyone tell you you ain’t romantic, said Cress.
Ulysses tied the handkerchief around his face again and said, Right, I’m gonna make a start, Col – show me exactly where.
And that was the cue for both Col and Cress to wrap scarves about their mouths and for all three of them to get out and fire up the torches. Col went around the back and opened the door.
Is he still dead? said Cress.