“Nothing was missing,” he said. “Nothing. But I’m not a good bet and you have things to do. I saw you out there at the accident—you were born to help people. You have to go after that life, and you should see more of the world than you have. Shelby, the possibilities for you…”
“If that’s what it was, we’d talk about how to make all that happen. Together. There are a million ways to work this out, you and me. Except…there really isn’t a you and me. Not like I hoped there could be.”
“You think you’re ready for something like that, but you’re not. You were just born, baby. You have to get out of the nest now. Fly.”
“Oh, Luke, I’m not a newborn. I’ve been places that I pray, by the grace of God, you never go… When I thought about it—you’ve made many commitments, not the least of which was the army. Brothers, business partners, friends. But Art was the one that made me really sit up and take notice.”
“Art’s different, Shelby. He has nowhere else to go. And if I couldn’t take care of him, I could find him a safe place. It’s not the same, you have to know that. And the army? Aw, hell, Shelby—they had me, I didn’t have them. It’s service or AWOL.”
“Bull. Everyone gets a discharge date, unless they re-up. You were committed. And I’m proud of you for that, I’m proud of you for everything, especially for Art. If I don’t go soon, I’m afraid I’ll stay here forever without ever hearing you say the things I need to hear. And that, more than anything, will break my heart.”
He shook his head, his eyes pained, but he didn’t let go of her. “I knew in the end I’d hurt you, and I never wanted to hurt you. Shelby, I want everything for you.”
“I believe you. I absolutely do. You couldn’t have loved me the way you did if you didn’t care, if you weren’t sincere. If I’m hurt, it’s just because you’re so damn hard to give up. And I’m so damn in love with you.” A tear ran down her cheek. She pulled away from him. “Be safe, Luke. I know I’ll think about you all the time.”
“What about Art? Aren’t you going to tell Art where you’re going? What you’re going to do?”
She shook her head. “God, I can’t,” she said softly. “I’ll fall apart. Luke, please, tell him for me. Tell him it was sudden and I’ll write to him. Please?” She was edging away from him and he abruptly pulled her back. He held her tight and covered her mouth in a searing and desperate kiss. In spite of herself, she returned the embrace and opened her lips to him, but a whimper escaped her. While he kissed her, Luke could taste her tears. When he released her lips, she dropped her head against his chest and for just a moment, she cried. It was very brief; her struggle was courageous. She pulled away from him and in a whisper said, “Goodbye, Luke. You were everything. You were all I needed. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you. Maybe someday you’ll meet someone who is.”
When she went out the door, he stood there for a long time. He heard her Jeep start, saw the headlights strafe the windows as she backed away, listened while the engine noise grew more faint and finally disappeared. And still he stood there. Then he hung his head.
Despite the wicked chill in the air, a few people from Virgin River braved the cold to gather together for dinner at Jack’s. Vanessa and Paul took Abby with them and while they were there, Mel and Cameron came over from the clinic. Mike V. stopped by for a beer before heading home where, he said, their baby daughter would no doubt be screaming like a banshee. Walt passed through only long enough to pick up some takeout for an evening with Muriel. Vanessa was pleased to notice that Cameron took a chair beside Abby and was visiting with her. For a second there she had a hopeful thought—that maybe those two could—
But then she noticed something in the way he seemed to gaze into her eyes and she seemed to lower her lids almost shyly. Abby was not shy. Sure, she was vulnerable right now and probably not in the best shape to receive the attentions of a single man, but… Cameron leaned toward her to say something quietly and Abby smiled and nodded. And then he touched her thigh under the table, giving her a soft and reassuring pat that turned into a brief caress. And Vanessa had to concentrate not to stare.
No one stayed late, the weather was just too frigid. No one seemed to notice that Vanni was unusually quite. Once they were home, Vanni settled the baby for the night and Paul fell asleep, sitting up in bed with a book in his lap. She crept out of her room. Abby was still in the living room, curled up on the couch in front of the fire with a throw around her shoulders.