“What talk was that?” he asked.
“I told him that I wanted a committed partner, at least one child. He said it was never going to happen with him, but I thought…” She shrugged.
“He’s been saying that for quite a while. Maybe he believes it by now, but when he thought he had a child coming, I never saw a happier man. I’m sorry he lost that.”
“He made the excuse he was too old. I guess if he trusted me, he could have told me about his marriage, his reasons, given us a chance to work through it…”
“Yeah, well, he has a lot of denial about that. And, by the things he said, it sounded like he started out protecting himself, but later in your relationship, he was protecting you.”
“Me?”
“He told me about your mother, about how dedicated you were for a few years, that you didn’t have any real freedom… My condolences, by the way.”
“Thanks. Maybe you’ll understand this, since you’re a doctor—Luke sure doesn’t get it. It wasn’t a sacrifice. I wasn’t held hostage. I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. I was very close to my mother. Helping someone close the door on this world and move on to the next—it’s very special. Intimate. I wasn’t giving anything up—I was getting something most people will never experience.”
He smiled at her. “That’s a pretty remarkable take on things.”
“I’m not remarkable,” she said with a self-effacing smile. “I was in a support group and learned an awful lot.”
“You’ve had some tough blows in the last year,” he said. “First, losing your mother. Then Luke.”
Her eyes became moist, but she held steady. “I don’t regret what I gave either one, Aiden. I wouldn’t change any of it. I would never have left my mom in someone else’s care. I couldn’t help falling in love with Luke.” She gave a tremulous smile. “I knew almost right away, he should be the one. My first love.”
Aiden touched the hand that rested on her knee. “You never fell in love like that before, I guess.”
“I never fell in love at all,” she said. “It wasn’t very long after high school that my life got pretty isolated, and I wasn’t one of the girls who got around a lot in high school. Luke was right about one thing—I haven’t lived much in those ways. I could’ve stumbled onto some insensitive jerk, but it was Luke. He was so good to me, so tender, so wonderful. I can’t regret that,” she said, shaking her head. “Much as it hurts now, I wouldn’t take away one day with him. When he said he wanted to keep it just between us because it was so special, I guess I started to think his pattern of never getting involved could change…with me…”
“Just between you?” Aiden asked in spite of himself.
“That he was the first one. Ever.” She dropped her gaze. “The way I feel, he’s probably going to be the only one. Ever.”
Aiden was silent, looking at her sweet face, stunned. After what Luke had been through with his wife, he stumbled onto someone pure? Untouched? Oh, man, no wonder he was so screwed up. He must have glimpsed a kind of impossible dream—a sweet and good woman who could be trusted, who would belong only to him. “Oh, Jesus,” Aiden said, hanging his head. “No wonder this is so bad…”
“Huh?”
“Shelby, the girl he married—she was about the furthest thing from a virgin a guy can get. She was a sexy little flirt. She’d been around, and apparently never stopped getting around. You gotta imagine—Luke must have been thinking that if that one hurt, if something like that happened with you, it would kill him.”
She shook her head. “I can’t believe he ever thought I’d be like that…”
“I think it’s time for us to have that Bloody Mary,” Aiden said. “Take a walk on the beach. Then dinner.”
When Aiden left in the morning to go to the airport, she hugged him goodbye like an old friend. They had talked the rest of the afternoon, through dinner, and then sat on the beach in the moonlight until very late. Most of that time was focused on Luke and her relationship with him, but also on the other brothers and Aiden’s movement through medical school and practice, aboard ship and at naval bases and Camp Pendleton. And he learned about her childhood, her mother, the rest of her family, her love for the mountains and rivers, the horses, the quiet tranquility of Virgin River. They became good friends.