“You don’t need to try too hard. I am your wife after all.”
“Even if you weren’t, I won’t give you up.” The little smile on his face does something crazy to my heart rate.
I never thought someone like him could be capable of such sweet words.
“Who knew you were such a nice guy underneath your grumpy exterior?”
“Don’t go telling anyone else or they’ll be disappointed to find out it’s only for you.”
Looks like the reporter was right. Declan does have a soft spot for me after all.
“Why?”
“Forelsket1. ” His raspy whisper makes me feel like he shares a secret I can’t decode.
“Spell it for me.” I pull out my phone.
He shakes his head as if it can erase the tiny smile on his face. “Some words aren’t meant to be translated.”
“That’s such a lie! All your words have translations.”
“Correction. Some words aren’t meant to be translated by you.”
I cross my arms. “Where did you learn all these words anyway? There’s no way you know all these languages.”
He turns his head back toward the road. “It was a game my mom and I played together when I was a little kid.”
My throat gets scratchy at the thought. “How?”
“I was always bad at expressing my feelings, way before my mom ever got sick.”
“You? No. I refuse to believe that,” I say with absolute seriousness.
His glare makes me laugh.
“She taught me how some people need a hundred words to express a single thought, while some people only need one word to share a hundred thoughts.”
“I never thought of it that way.”
His eyes become distant. “It became our secret code. If I was feeling a certain way, she would ask me for my word.”
My bottom lip quivers. “What made you start using them again?”
He turns and looks at me. “Not what but who. We both struggle with words in our own ways. Me with expressing them, and you with reading them.” His explanation makes each word he shares feel even more meaningful.
The burning sensation in my chest intensifies, betraying just how much my heart wants to throw caution to the wind. It scares me more than I care to admit, so I stick to a safer question. “What made you choose non-translatable ones?”
“They started out in English but eventually once my brothers started picking up on it and started copying me, I switched gears. There was no way they could say kyoikumama, let alone spell it.”
“Always against sharing, ever since a young kid, huh?”
“You’re an only child. You can’t even begin to understand what it is like to grow up with siblings always stealing your stuff and copying you.”
“I wish! That seems a whole lot better than spending your entire life alone.”
“The silence must have been nice.”
I laugh. “It got old fast. If everything goes my way, I plan on having enough kids to fill a whole house so they never have to grow up feeling the way I did.”
He shoves the gear stick a bit harder than necessary. “Kids?”
“A whole minivan if I’m lucky.”
“I didn’t know you wanted a big family.” A vein in his neck throbs.
“You never asked, and I didn’t think it mattered.”
“Why not?”
“Because we only agreed to one child.”
“What if that weren’t the case?”
I feel shocked by his question. “What exactly are you suggesting?”
He pauses, clearly thinking of a response before shaking his head.
“Nothing.”
Nothing? I want answers, but my fear of his response stops me from asking any questions. And with the way he shuts down, I know that I’m not going to get them today anyway.
Maybe it’s for the best.
1 ? Noun, Norwegian: That overwhelming gut-rush euphoria exclusive to the beginnings of falling in love.
31
IRIS
T here is no way Declan’s target happened to go to the Chicago Botanic Garden on a Saturday. After our whole conversation in the car, I know he planned this for me. Not that he would ever admit it. So rather than call him out on it, I go along with the whole charade. I’m far too excited about visiting the garden to ruin it by calling Declan out on his lie.
The garden is my favorite place in the entire world—sorry, Dreamland. I have so many fond memories here, dating all the way back to my childhood.
My mom, Nana, and I would come here together after my Saturday tutoring sessions. Mom and I would visit all the gardens while Nana would huff and puff about her busted knee, only to be easily swayed by the pretty flowers and champagne popsicles.