There was a pause, so long it felt endless. Then, finally, Danny began to speak. “You have to understand, this was a long, long time ago,” he said, his voice low and rough. “People’s understanding about consent and—and things like that—has changed in the last thirty years.”
“Danny,” said Daisy. “Can you cut the bullshit? Please? Just tell me what happened!”
Her brother sighed. “Hal had been talking to a girl for most of the time we were there. A townie, or an au pair. Something like that. And yes, there was a party on the beach, and everyone had a lot to drink, and I saw—what I saw—” Danny’s voice was getting higher, more hesitant.
“Just spit it out,” Daisy said. “Just tell me.”
“Hal was having sex with the girl.”
“And was another boy holding her down?”
“I—I can’t—” She could picture her brother, the way his neck would get flushed when he was upset, the way he’d pace, the same way she did. Maybe he’d be walking the tiled floor of his tiny office at the high school, with its walls covered, floor to ceiling, with college brochures meant to inspire the students, or in the gym at the Boys & Girls Club, or in his kitchen, with a visiting baby in his arms. “It was a long time ago, Di. And I was a different person. Things were hard for me. I’m not making excuses…”
“Yes, you are,” Daisy said.
Danny’s voice was mournful. “Every time I think about it, I think I should have done more, that I could have done more. But I was…” His voice trailed off. “I had a crush on Hal. I thought I was in love with him, and I was terrified about what would happen if he found out about me. When he took me into the dunes…” He sighed again, and, against her will, Daisy found herself imagining it—Hal’s hands on Danny’s shoulders, both of them drunk and stumbling, Hal urging Danny on and Danny going willingly, maybe hoping that Hal felt the same way he did, not seeing until it was too late, where Hal was leading him.
“It was a long time ago,” Danny said bleakly.
“But it wasn’t,” said Daisy. “Not for the woman Hal did this to. Diana has to live with what he did to her, every day of her life. And she was fifteen years old, and she was passed-out drunk!” Daisy found that she was shouting. “Jesus. How would you like it if someone did that to Beatrice? Did you ever try to find the woman, and tell her you should have done more? Did you ever feel anything about what you’d done? Does Jesse know?” I’ll tell him, she thought, the idea sizzling like acid, hot and spiteful in her mind. I’ll tell Jesse, and Jesse will leave Danny, and Danny will have his heart broken, which is what he deserves.
“Yes,” Danny said heavily. “Yes, Jesse knows. I spent years trying to figure out who the woman was, but I never could. And yes, I feel awful, and yes”—his voice was rising—“I’ve felt awful about it for years, and I have tried to do better, to be better, because I know exactly how lucky and how privileged I am, and I know how we h-hurt her.” His voice cracked. “Every day of my life,” he said, speaking each word distinctly through his tears, “I have tried to be a better man than I was that night.”
Daisy’s mouth was dry, and her eyes were, too, at the enormity of everything that Danny had done, or not done; the terrible things he’d allowed to happen. “You let me marry him,” she whispered. Her voice was anguished. She could feel tears squeeze out of the corners of her eyes and fall onto her shirt. “You didn’t tell me about him,” she said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I tried to.” Danny’s voice was plaintive. “Don’t you remember?”
“No! No, I do not! And I’m pretty sure I would have remembered anyone, at any point, taking me aside and saying, ‘Hey, guess what, the man who wants to marry you is a rapist!’？”
“I promise you, I tried to tell you about Hal,” Danny said.
“When?” Daisy snapped.
“Right after you called to say you’d gotten engaged.”
Daisy put her fisted hand against her lips. She and Hal had had a whirlwind courtship—three months of dating, a proposal, a wedding six months after that. She remembered making phone calls to her mom, her brothers, her grandma Rose. She remembered calling David and his wife, and she remembered calling Danny. He’d congratulated her, and he’d asked her to put Hal on the phone so he could say hello to the groom. A minute later, Hal had handed the cordless phone back to her, and they’d continued going down their list.