Lucas flinched, his lips pressing into a tight line.
I continued, “He excused himself saying he’d had the worst day at work and downed a couple beers before our date. Told me that he hadn’t wanted to cancel on me because he liked me so much.” And if anything, Nathan had been convincing. “Anyway, all the dates that followed that one were… just like dating multiple men at the same time. He’d be his charming, perfect self and then a switch would be flipped, and he’d turn into someone completely different. I wouldn’t know if I’d get someone weird, moody, or just… crazy.”
A muscle in Lucas’s jaw jumped. “Did he ever—”
“No,” I stopped him. “It was never like that. He never laid a hand on me. It was more about things he’d say or the way he’d act during a date.” Stuff straight out of comedy sketches. Bizarre. “But he’d always apologize after, tell me it was nerves making him act strange because he was crazy about me.” And silly na?ve me believed him every single time. “Anyway.” I laughed to make light of the sucky experience. “To sum it up, it turned out he had been testing stuff on me. Scenes. For the screenplay he’d been working on.”
Lucas sat so still I could barely see his chest moving. I didn’t even think he’d blinked for a minute or two.
I averted my eyes, letting them rest on my toes. “I told you it was depressing stuff, Lucas.”
“This Nathan,” he said, ignoring my last comment. “How long until you left him?”
Wiggling my toes inside my socks, I made sure to keep my eyes there. “Oh. I guess I didn’t… exactly leave him?” I swallowed my embarrassment with as much dignity as I could. Because I should have, I really should have terminated that relationship on date one. “He was the one that broke things off. The reveal was his big plot twist.”
Lucas didn’t speak. Not a word. And I… God, what in the world was I doing? Why was I telling him all of this? We could be friends without me revealing stuff that didn’t exactly reflect well on me.
“And that’s enough of a rundown for today, friend.” I finally met his gaze, finding him with an expression that I decided to ignore. “That’s why I swore off men and dating apps.” That much was true. After that trail of failed pseudo-relationships, I decided to take a break from… real-life love and focus on the fictional kind. “Lina might be right, though. Maybe all I need is to go out and experiment with dating again. And by going out, I guess I mean re-downloading Tinder.”
His forehead furrowed in a strange way.
I felt the need to fill in the silence again. “It’s far from ideal but I can’t afford or think of anything else.” I started fidgeting with my fingers, so I decided to sit on them. “I could prepare a checklist with all the things I need to take home from this… research, like Lina said. An experiment. So, I’ll pick a man and go through the motions. The phases of dating. The natural arc of getting to know someone emotionally, from fun or basic things like getting flowers or experiencing the butterflies of going on a first date, to the more… advanced stuff. Like that first brush of his hand against mine. Or when he leans forward and I know he’s—” I stopped myself, noticing that I was rambling. “Anyways.”
I eyed the man in front of me again, waited until a few more seconds passed.
“Ehm…” I trailed off, wondering if I should maybe nudge him with my finger, check if he was okay. “I think we had one or five Cronuts too many. Can you feel the tips of your fingers tingling? Cold sweats? Maybe I should get you a glass of water.”
I’d shifted by about half an inch when Lucas’s hand shot in my direction. His palm fell on my knee, and I looked down just as he said, “No.”
My brows rose. “No to water?” I gawked at that warm and heavy palm as it heated the skin through my jeans, feeling the tiniest bit breathless. “Would you like a glass of milk?”
“No, Rosie,” he repeated with a determination that made me look up as his fingers squeezed my thigh softly. “I’ll do it.”
Blinking, processing, I mentally recapped, searching for whatever he could possibly be offering to do. “You’ll… get me flowers?” I asked as I felt his hand lift off my leg. I sagged back, a little relieved that now I could think more clearly. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten flowers from any man I dated, but—”