“The most important thing is that you understand how much your daddy and I love you. Because we both love the three of you so, so much. And none of this is your fault. We’ve just grown apart and…we tried to fix it every way we knew how, but it didn’t work. Nothing worked. And sometimes…” I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt the tear trailing down my cheek. I brushed it away quickly. “Sometimes things just don’t work out. Sometimes people are more broken together than they could ever be apart.”
“But if you still love each other…there has to be a way.” Glimmering tears trailed down Maisy’s pink cheeks.
“There’s not, honey. I wish there was, I really do.”
“So what does that mean?” Dylan asked. He was trying to be strong, maybe for his siblings, maybe for me. His voice was steady, cheeks pale, jaw locked tight. His hands formed fists in his lap. “What happens to us?”
“Well, what do you mean? Nothing happens to you.”
“Who will we live with? Do we get to decide?”
The question was a knife to my gut. From what I’d read in my late-night doom scrolling, they were old enough…what if they did get to decide? What if they chose Peter? What if—despite doing everything I’d done to protect my kids—what if I lost them anyway? What if I lost them because they chose to leave me?
I swallowed, dusting away another tear. “Is that, um, is that what you want?”
Dylan was slow to answer, not meeting my eyes. “I want to talk to Dad.”
“You will,” I promised. “You’ll get to. But right now, he’s away on a project, and we agreed it would be best if you stayed with me for the time being.”
“So, why are we here, then?” he asked. “Why can’t we go home?”
“We will. We’re just sorting a few things out.”
“It feels like we’re hiding.”
“We’re not hiding,” I lied. Now I couldn’t meet his eye.
“Can we talk to him? I’ve been trying to call him, but he isn’t answering,” Dylan said, lifting his phone and staring at the screen. I nodded, relieved that I’d had the forethought to block their father’s numbers from their phones and block the children’s numbers from his before we’d left for Florida. At the time, it had seemed silly. Just one more scenario for me to overthink. But now, I was incredibly grateful I’d taken the time to do it.
I forced a smile, unwilling to let the hurt I felt over the attempts to contact his father outweigh my relief that he couldn’t. “He’s working on a project in the mountains, and I don’t think he has great service. I’m sure he’ll call you as soon as he can.”
“What if he doesn’t?” He stood from the bed.
“What do you mean?”
“What if he doesn’t call? What if he doesn’t want to talk to us?” He couldn’t stop the tears that fell then, or the way his voice cracked as he asked the final question.
“Oh, sweetheart.” I stood, reaching out my arms for him, but he backed away.
“Just don’t.”
I dropped my arms, nodding slowly. “Dylan, your father would do anything to be here with you right now. You know that. We wanted to tell you together. He wanted to be here for you. This is… I know how hard it is for you, guys. Believe me, I do. It’s the last thing we ever wanted to do. I know how much it hurts—”
“Oh, save it, Mom—”
“I do. I know. I remember. We did everything we could to prevent this. I did everything I could—”
“Not everything, obviously,” he said with a shrug. “Because here we are. And, what do you know? It hurts all the same.” With that, he strutted toward the door and jerked it open.
“Dylan, wait—”
He turned back around, the door still open. “You know, you say you know what this feels like, but if that’s true…you’d have to be the most selfish person on the planet to do it anyway.”
His words sucked the air from my lungs. I took a step back, bitter tears burning my eyes. I was powerless to stop him from leaving the room, to stop him from leaving me.
Just like I’d been powerless to stop Peter.
A hand on my back caused me to jolt, and I looked over, realizing Riley was standing next to me. His smile was small and sad, and I wanted to bundle him up and take all the pain away from him. From all of them.
“I’m so sorry, bud.” I dropped to my knees and let his head rest on my shoulder, no longer worried about the filthy carpet as I wrapped my arms around him, comforting his silent tears. “I’m so sorry.”