“Is that really what you want to talk about right now? The difference between stun guns and Tasers?”
I winced as I took another step backward, bumping into my SUV. The garage was cluttered, without much room to maneuver, even without her car in its usual parking space. I eyed the button on the wall that would lift the overhead doors, giving us fresh air and me a way to escape, but if I moved, she’d come after me again. It wasn’t an option. “You didn’t have to do that. I wasn’t going to hurt you.” I held my hands out in the air. “I’m unarmed.”
“Yeah, well, you’ll forgive me if I don’t believe you.”
“Hey, you’re the one who tried to kill me, if memory serves.”
She smirked—she actually smirked—as the memory danced across her face, a whimsical look in her eyes. In a flash, it was gone. Wiped away so fast I could almost be convinced I hadn’t seen it at all. She stared at me, her eyes cold and lifeless.
Who was she?
Most days, I didn’t know.
Then again, how well do we ever know the people in our lives? How well can you know your spouse? Was there anyone out there who could say they’d never been surprised or disappointed by the person they loved most? Surely, we weren’t the outliers. It was human nature. I had to believe everyone had parts of themselves they refused to display to anyone—the whispered motivations, internal desires, embarrassing decisions, and mortifying reasons behind actions we’d never dare reveal to anyone.
Still, I knew my wife as much as anyone could. And I was learning more about her every day.
I put a hand up, offering an apology before she asked for one. “I’m sorry. I’m, look, I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to talk. I was hoping you’d bring the kids.”
“I told you I wouldn’t, so I’m not sure why you’d hope that. The kids don’t need to be here.” She kept the stun gun held out between us—a constant warning.
“Fair enough. Well, I’m glad you came anyway.”
She nodded. “I’m surprised to hear you say that.” Her arms folded up, crossing over her chest, the weapon still clutched in her palm.
“I never wanted to hurt you, Ainsley. I only wanted to find you and apologize.”
Her head drew back quickly. “Apologize?”
My muscles went weak, and I stepped toward her, though it was her turn to move back. “You were right about everything.”
“I know that.”
“I know, but I want you to hear me say it.” I spoke the next words slowly, enunciating each syllable as if to prove the point. I needed her to hear me—really hear me—and understand. “You were right about everything. I was stupid. I had everything in the world I could ever want handed to me on a silver platter, and it still wasn’t enough. I was everything I hate in a person. In a husband. You’re…you’re it for me. I love you, Ainsley. I love you so damn much I can’t think about anything else. And I know I screwed things up—I really, really do—but trust me when I say I’ve learned my lesson, I—”
“Learned your lesson?” She looked away from me, rolling her eyes. “Peter, you haven’t begun to learn your lesson.”
“Haven’t begu— You tried to kill me, for Christ’s sake. You sedated me. Left me to die in a fire which I barely escaped to put out, by the way. You left me to die, Ainsley. And tried to turn me in. You were going to make me look like a monster… After all we’ve been through. I know what I did was wrong. I know I hurt you. Everything with Joanna was…messy—”
“Messy? That’s a nice way to describe it. I was giving you everything, Peter, doing everything I thought you wanted and you couldn’t give me the time of day. Here I was, changing everything about myself for you and you had your precious little toy locked up in that room behind my back the whole time! You were so obsessed with her, so…so…”
“I got distracted,” I admitted. “And I don’t blame you for what you did. Killing her. I get it. It was the right thing to do. But I would’ve never hurt you. Never. Don’t you see that?” I stepped toward her, keeping my voice steady and firm. In control. I wanted her to see that I had everything under control again.
“You did hurt me, Peter. Maybe not physically, but you just keep hurting me. That’s why we’re in this mess to begin with. And, anyway, that’s not why I’m here.” She unfolded and refolded her arms, glancing at the concrete floor under our feet.