CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
December 1961
BETH
Lily was as good as her word. She came back to the Greer mansion the next Christmas. And the next.
At first, every year for months and months, life went on as usual and Lily wasn’t mentioned. Then, as the darkness of winter set in, Mariana’s mood would begin to spiral down and she’d drink more. There would be more day drinks, which would start earlier and earlier, more arguments that Beth could hear as she lay in bed at night, because her parents thought that if they argued after she went to bed, she wouldn’t hear them. As if they could fool her into thinking they had a happy family if they only argued after she was supposedly asleep.
Then, like clockwork, Mariana would get excited about Christmas. She’d decide that Christmas was going to be wonderful this year and it was going to solve all of her problems. She’d go shopping and buy stacks of decorations that she never put up. She’d go looking for the biggest, most expensive Christmas tree. And she’d invite Lily to visit. If Lily’s foster family had any objections—which was unlikely—their objections would vanish at Mariana’s influence and her money. Mostly her money.
Lily always came, sleek and beautiful as a cat, her blond hair brushed soft and shining. She’d be polite and talk about how grateful she was, but as she spoke she’d lock eyes with Julian, and the two of them would stare each other down. Then Julian would pack a bag, say he was going to visit friends, and he’d leave the house.
Beth learned early that Lily and Julian hated each other. She had to learn it. The undercurrents in the house at Christmas were too deep, too important, and she needed both Julian and Lily for survival. She couldn’t afford to lose either one, so she made strategies to appease both of them. She didn’t talk about Lily in Julian’s presence, because if she did he’d simply get up and leave the room. She made one attempt to win Lily over to Julian’s side by telling her that her father was actually very nice, that once you got to know him he was kind.
Lily only looked at Beth with dead, flat eyes. “Your father would let me die in the street like a stray dog,” she said. “But he can’t, so that’s too bad for him.”
Beth didn’t talk to her about Julian after that.
Some Christmases, Mariana left the house after her husband did, and the two girls played alone. A TV was installed in the living room one year, and that Christmas, Beth and Lily watched My Three Sons and Bonanza and Bewitched. There were cartwheel competitions on the back lawn, but Lily always got closer to the edge of the drop than Beth did. No matter how close Beth got—it was part of the competition—Lily always got so close it was scary, her sneakers sliding almost over the precipice when she landed. Every competition they had went the same way, with Lily pushing and Beth sick with fear, until Beth learned, over and over, not to let the fear bother her.
Other years, Mariana stayed home at Christmas. She tried playing board games and baking cookies with them, things she never did when Beth was here alone. She pretended that Christmas was cheerful and that everything was fun. She read them stories, most of which were for little girls, younger than Beth and Lily, but they listened anyway. She played made-up games with them.
“Once upon a time, there were two little girls,” she’d say. “They were kidnapped by an evil witch who wanted to eat them, but one of them was bitter and one of them was sweet. Which girl is which, do you think?”
Beth always wanted to be the sweet girl, of course. But no matter how sweet she was, Mariana never played these games when Lily wasn’t here. Besides, even though Mariana never told the end of the story, Beth knew the sweet girl was the one who got eaten. The bitter girl was the one who survived.
* * *
—
Lily was Beth’s best friend. Her only friend, really. Beth didn’t need anyone else, because Lily knew everything. Lily knew what sex was before Beth did; she knew what death was; she knew which adults were stupid and which were even remotely worth listening to. She knew how to handle the other kids at school. She taught Beth when to fight, when to suck up, and when to flirt, even with other girls. “She’s easy,” Lily said when Beth described one particular classmate. “Pretend you like her, and you’ll get what you want.”