He retreated to his desk, and I answered the knock that came seconds later, admitting Colonel Jackson, who stepped past me without a second glance, even though my hair was tangled about my face.
“We will leave for Philadelphia in the morning, Shurtliff,” General Paterson instructed from his desk. “Make sure we are prepared. I don’t know how long we will stay.”
“Yes, sir.” When I looked back, the general was seated, Colonel Jackson obscuring him from my sight, and I stepped from the room.
24
THE PATIENT SUFFERANCE
The four-day, 150-mile journey to Philadelphia on horseback was markedly different from the march I’d participated in the year before. The heat was the same, as were the colors that lit the valleys, changed the leaves, and warmed the hills, but this time I rode at General Paterson’s side, and the tension I felt was entirely new. The general was careful to never look directly at me when others were around, but Agrippa sensed the disturbance immediately. He rode with Colonel Kosciuszko but sometimes fell back or spurred his horse forward, depending on his desire for certain company or a particular conversation. When General Paterson moved up beside General Howe for a brief conference, Agrippa drew his horse alongside mine.
“Did you upset the general again?” Agrippa asked me, frowning. “He’s not himself.”
“It is the constant mutinies.”
He scrunched up his face. “No. That’s something else. He’s on edge. And it’s always when you’re around, I noticed. I asked him if he wanted to make a switch.”
“Agrippa?”
“A switch. I take care of him. You take care of the colonel. He said that wasn’t necessary. But I’m wondering if it is.”
I was stunned into silence, unable to protest, and Grippy saw my distress.
“You’ve taken good care of him,” he rushed to add. “If you didn’t, I would insist. The general is my best friend. He looks out for me. I look out for him. You do a good job, Bonny. But sometimes people just don’t mix. Oil and water.”
“It is my leg,” I blurted out. “He has tried to give me less to do so I will heal. I’ve argued with him on the matter. I am fine. But he won’t hear it.”
“Huh.” He chewed on his lip. “That sounds like him. Maybe that’s it.” He frowned at me. “You’d best not argue with him. He’s a gentleman, through and through, but a stickler for the rules. Once he’s decided, it’s done.”
I knew that to be true. John Paterson was a gentleman, and I had put him in a situation that was untenable. I was breaking all the rules, and he was abetting me. What was worse—and simultaneously wonderful—was that he claimed to love me, and I spent the hours traveling beside him in a state of thrilled horror at the thought.
The first night, I placed my bedroll as far from his as I was able and put his saddlebags near the opening of the small tent. I was half-terrified that he would walk all night to avoid me and alert Agrippa and anyone else paying attention that something was amiss, but he slipped inside when the camp was quiet and removed his boots before stretching out on the bed I’d made for him.
The next morning, I scolded him while I shaved his face, relaying what Agrippa had said to me. “He thinks I have upset you. He says you are on edge whenever I am near.”
“I am.” He raised his pale blue eyes to mine, and I removed the blade from his skin in case the tremor in my belly became a trembling in my hand.
The second night he dined with General Howe and returned when the moon was high. I’d been waiting for the camp to go to sleep and the night to deepen so I could retreat to the trees and visit the river. I rose and made to slip out as he watched.
“Samson?”
“I need to wash,” I said simply. “And there are other needs best attended to in the dark.”
“I will come with you and stand watch.”
“General . . .”
He raised one finger and hissed between his teeth, silencing me. “I will come with you.”
I waited obediently, clutching my washcloth and soap to my chest as he pulled his boots back on his feet. I’d removed the binding over my breasts so I could better clean myself, and wore only my breeches and my shirt. I would not submerge myself; my clothes would not have time to dry if I washed them.
I did not need to tell him how odd it would look for him to be standing watch over me, but he folded his arms and waited as I moved deeper into the trees to relieve myself, and he was still there, in exactly the same position, when I returned.