‘Of course,’ says Fiona. ‘Quick one. Forgive the rush.’
Fiona commits to the room, albeit reluctantly, and perches by Elizabeth on the sofa, as Joyce rummages in her cardigan pocket for her phone. Fiona’s photograph smile is already fixed in place.
‘Now,’ says Elizabeth. ‘Time is short, and I need to convey a lot of information to you.’
‘I’m sorry?’ says Fiona, smile still in place. For now.
‘I didn’t faint, I’m not ill, and I don’t want a photograph,’ says Elizabeth quickly. ‘I also pose you no risk, wish you no harm and, indeed, before today, I had no idea who you were.’
‘I …’ says Fiona, smile now drifting off. ‘Really need to be getting off.’
‘I won’t keep you,’ says Elizabeth. ‘Myself and my friend Joyce, by the way, not Joan …’
‘You can call me Joan,’ says Joyce.
‘… are here to investigate the murder of Bethany Waites, who, I know, you knew –’
‘OK, I don’t know what this is …’ says Fiona.
‘Fiona, Fiona,’ says Elizabeth. ‘I won’t be a second. We’re very happy to wait around and speak to you later.’
‘I’m going to talk to security,’ says Fiona. ‘Come on, you know this isn’t right.’
‘Oh, gosh, right, wrong,’ says Elizabeth. ‘Who cares? Two harmless old women, a couple of questions about a murder I’m sure you had nothing to do with.’
‘No one’s saying I had anything to do with it,’ says Fiona. ‘And this is … weird.’
‘A colleague is murdered, and you step into her job,’ says Elizabeth. ‘Threatening notes had been written. You would be a clear suspect, Joyce has left me in no doubt about that.’
‘Well, no, I didn’t exactly say –’ says Joyce.
‘And another woman, Heather Garbutt, has also just been murdered,’ says Elizabeth. ‘Now we’ve spoken to Mike Waghorn, your erstwhile colleague, and we would love to speak to you. I had to fake a fainting fit to get the opportunity, so what do you say?’
‘I say no,’ says Fiona. ‘Obviously.’
There is a knock at the door. ‘Fiona? Back on floor please.’
‘I have to get changed,’ says Fiona, getting up.
Elizabeth stands with her. ‘Fiona, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I mention it in case you find it interesting. My friend Joyce here would not be able to tell you herself, for obvious reasons, but she was, for many years, a very highly decorated member of the British security services.’
Fiona looks at Joyce.
‘I know, you wouldn’t believe it to look at her,’ says Elizabeth.
‘I actually would believe it,’ says Fiona.
‘So we are many things,’ says Elizabeth. ‘A nuisance, yes. Something you could live without, certainly. A pain in the backside, spot on, you’ve got us. But we are also serious, we are also no threat, and we are, believe it or not, once you get to know us, rather a lot of fun.’
There is a knock on the door again. ‘Fiona?’
‘So what I’d love,’ says Elizabeth, ‘is for you to go out and finish your shows, for Joyce to sit in the audience and watch, and then afterwards the three of us can have a drink and a chat, and see if you can help us solve the murder of Bethany Waites.’
Fiona looks between the two of them.
‘There’s a Wimpy on Borehamwood high street,’ says Joyce.