She had only half an hour, because she was heading off to interview Bono, so Elizabeth and I took it in turns to ask questions. I left all the Bethany Waites questions to Elizabeth, because I probably won’t get another chance to meet Fiona Clemence, and I wanted to make the most of it.
So the whole thing went something like this.
ELIZABETH: Tell me about your relationship with Bethany Waites.
FIONA: We disliked each other.
ME: What’s the most money anyone has ever won on Stop the Clock?
FIONA: I don’t know. About twenty grand, I think.
ELIZABETH: Why did you dislike each other?
FIONA: She disliked me because she thought I was an airhead. And I disliked her because she thought I was an airhead.
ME: A few weeks ago on the show you were wearing red shoes, I don’t know if you remember them? But I wondered where they were from?
FIONA: I don’t know, sorry.
ELIZABETH: Were you aware you might be next in line to present the show were Bethany ever to leave?
FIONA: I’d done a screen-test. I knew they liked me. But, and forgive me here, Joyce, co-hosting South East Tonight was not a particular ambition of mine.
ELIZABETH: Didn’t do you any harm though?
FIONA: OK, I murdered her so I could read the local news.
ME: Are people talking to you through an earpiece on the show?
FIONA: Yes.
ME: What are they saying?
FIONA: All sorts. Reminding me of the scores, telling me to cheer up, letting me know someone in the audience has fainted.
ELIZABETH: Where were you on the night of Bethany’s death?
FIONA: I was doing coke in a hotel with a cameraman.
ME: We bought ten thousand pounds’ worth of cocaine recently. Who’s the nicest person you’ve ever interviewed?
FIONA: Tom Hanks.
ELIZABETH: What do you know about notes that Bethany received before her death? At work?
FIONA: What sort of notes?
ELIZABETH: ‘Get out’， ‘Everybody hates you’。 That sort of thing.
FIONA [laughing]: She got those too? I thought it was just me.
ELIZABETH: You got the same notes? Any idea from whom?
FIONA: No idea, but no one pushed me off a cliff, did they?
ME: What was it about Tom Hanks?
ELIZABETH [tiring of me, I think]: Is there anyone else you can think of who might have had reason to kill Bethany?
FIONA: The fashion police?
ME: You know on Instagram, where you do your live videos, and everyone can watch and comment? How do you do that? I can’t find the button for it.
FIONA: It’s called ‘Stories’， you can look it up.
ELIZABETH: Is there anyone else we should talk to who was there at the time?
FIONA: Carwyn, the producer. Even if he didn’t kill her, they should lock him up. And Mike’s make-up artist. Pamela, something like that. Always a weird atmosphere there.
ELIZABETH: Pauline?
FIONA: If you say so.
ME: Would you ever do Strictly?
FIONA: Only if I was hosting it.
So, you see, she wasn’t rude exactly, given the circumstances, but she wasn’t exactly a thrill a minute. I just looked up how to do those live videos on Instagram, but I couldn’t really make head nor tail of it. I will stick to photographs, I think. Ron made me post a picture of Alan today with two balls in his mouth. Joanna liked it, which is a first.