He told Olivia he’d call her when he could.
Joachim wore a black suit, white shirt, and black tie when he went with the undertakers to collect his brother at the morgue. The police had taken all the photographs of the body that they needed. There was no need for an autopsy to determine the cause of death. Joachim was having him cremated and had arranged for a small graveside service the next day, performed by a priest they didn’t know. His mother hadn’t been to church in years. She said she had her own agreements with God, and they understood each other.
Joachim refused to look at his brother’s remains in the casket before they cremated him. There was nothing there he wanted to remember. The identification of the body had been made by the police, and it was certain, with fingerprints from Interpol to confirm it. Joachim sat quietly with his mother that night. She was peaceful. She knew where her son was and she had nothing to fear for him anymore. She had been mourning him for years, and so had Joachim.
On Tuesday afternoon, they went to the cemetery together. She wore a black dress and a hat, and they stood together, as the box with his ashes was lowered into a small grave. It was marked with a simple cross, and later there would be a plaque with his name.
The service only took a few minutes. The priest said a prayer, they each threw a handful of dirt into the grave, and then the priest shook Liese’s hand. He told Joachim what a brave woman she was, and he didn’t know the half of it. She was braver than anyone could have imagined. She left a single white rose on her son’s grave, and then they went home and she cooked the dinner that had been Javier’s favorite meal as a child. It was her tribute to him, as a boy, not the man he became. Joachim remembered it perfectly. She used to cook the same dinner for them on Sunday nights. Rice and beans and pieces of chicken and spices. Sometimes it was the only time all week that they had meat, and very little of it for three people. And it tasted the same when he ate it. But this time it had the bitter taste of loss and regret added to it, which was all too familiar to his mother. Joachim had no tears left for his brother. He had shed them all years before. The cord that had bound them had been severed. He was free of him at last.
Chapter 14
Joachim went back to work on Wednesday, after a two-day absence, and so did his mother. She was eager to get back to work. She had put so much effort into her project, she wanted to see it through to completion. They both looked somber when they left the apartment, and Joachim was relieved to see that there was a plainclothes policeman stationed outside, dressed as a street cleaner. He met Joachim’s eyes as they walked by, and Joachim nodded slightly. He knew what he was, but others wouldn’t have.
He dropped his mother off at the place where she worked. She insisted she could have taken the metro, but he wouldn’t let her.
“One of them could follow you, Mama. If even one of his enemies doesn’t believe he’s dead, they could follow you to see if he shows up. A lot of people lost money from that failed delivery in Toulon. They won’t swallow that easily. Someone will have to pay for it, in blood if not in money. Javier was a fox and I’m sure he has pretended to be dead many times before.” But not this time. This time it was for real. He could see how low his mother’s spirits were when she got out of the car and walked into the building. She didn’t look back at him and wave, as she would have normally.
He drove to Olivia’s apartment then and was only a few minutes late. She looked relieved to see him the moment he walked in. She could see in his eyes all that he’d been through since their night at the movies five days before. Years and years of loss and worry had finally come to their inevitable conclusion. He accepted it. He had no choice, but he was sad anyway. She made him a cup of coffee and handed it to him. They both sat down at the kitchen table.
“How’s your mother?” she asked kindly.
“Brave. She always is. She’s had to be too often. I’m not sure it’s real to her yet. I never expected to see him again. I gave up years ago. I’m not sure she ever did. It’s an ugly thing having a son like that. She must wonder where she went wrong, what she should have done differently. It wouldn’t have changed anything. I think some people are born like that. There’s something missing, or one enzyme too many, or a subtle poison that releases into their veins slowly, and one day takes over their body and their mind. He had no soul.” Olivia nodded, and he set his coffee cup down, and looked at her. She had the feeling that something bad was coming. But how much worse could it get than what had just happened? “I’m going back to England,” he said in a low voice. They were words she didn’t want to hear and he didn’t want to say. “It’s better if I go now. I should have done it after what happened in New York. You were good to let me stay, but I should have known better.”