They drove behind the hearse to the cemetery in Joachim’s station wagon, and some of the others followed. The priest read from the Bible at the cemetery, and said a few more words, and Olivia left the little bouquet of white flowers she had brought, and then they left Liese there next to Javier. Joachim’s whole history lay in the ground there now, his twin brother and his mother. He had loved them more than anyone on earth. He had never needed anyone else because of them, and Olivia could sense that.
He didn’t speak on the way back to the city, and then he turned to her. “Do you want to take a walk? I need some air.” She nodded, and they stopped at the Bois de Boulogne, parked the car, and started walking. She could feel him become more peaceful as they walked, and they finally sat down on a bench side by side. He was quiet and calm in the peaceful setting. He took a long breath of air.
“I’d like to work with you on the chateau in Provence, if you need an assistant,” he said, and she smiled.
“No more butler?”
“That too, if you want.” He smiled and sat quietly staring into the distance, thinking. Olivia waited for what he would say next. “My mother said I was in love with you. She was right, as usual. She accused me of being a coward. And she was right about that too. I was afraid to say it, or even to feel it.” He was crossing the line between them to a place where he’d never been. He looked her in the eye then. “I’ve never told a woman I loved her. I’m not sure I’ve ever loved anyone, except the two of them. I was too afraid to care that much. I didn’t want to get hurt and lose someone I love. And now I’ve lost both of them.”
“Me too,” she whispered. “I didn’t want to be a prisoner like my mother. I didn’t want to let any man own me or destroy me.” She knew Joachim’s history, the good and the bad of it, the terrible grandfather and brother, weak father, and the powerful, brave, loving mother, a woman of integrity and courage. He was like her, not like the others. Olivia knew she was nothing like her weak, selfish mother, or the man who didn’t have the courage to be her father or even tell her that he was. Together, she and Joachim were so much better than the people who had hurt them. She wasn’t afraid now as she sat next to him, holding hands. They were on the brink of courage, willing to be there for each other, already attached in all the ways that mattered to both of them. It had happened effortlessly while they weren’t looking. “I love you, Joachim.” She was the first to say the words, and cross the line, to show him that she could. The sky didn’t fall in when she said it, and she smiled.
“I love you too,” he said, and discovered that the words he had always been so afraid of weren’t frightening when he said them to her.
They had found what they needed and the courage to accept it. Maybe a final gift from Liese to both of them. He kissed Olivia then, and they both wondered what they had been so afraid of for so long. They had run away from it all their lives. She wasn’t afraid anymore, and neither was he.
They sat on the bench, thinking of his mother, aware of the gift she’d given them. He kissed her, and then they drove back to Olivia’s apartment. As they walked in, he remembered his mother eating the chocolate éclairs Olivia had brought her. “She wanted to see you that day,” Joachim said. “I think she knew she was going soon.” Olivia nodded and believed it too.
They went into her bedroom, and as though it was always meant to be, they made love for the first time. Everything about it felt right, and they lay in each other’s arms afterward, holding each other and feeling peaceful. He pulled her close to him. She had come to Paris to live life, and to find him. Destiny had a hand in it. And everything that came before had been preparing them. They had found what they needed at the right time. Liese’s wishes for her son had finally come true. He had found a woman as brave and honorable as she was. And the future would unfold as it was meant to, as they faced it together. They had so much to look forward to.
To my darling children, Beatie, Trevor, Todd, Nick, Samantha, Victoria, Vanessa, Maxx, and Zara,