We stared at it again, trying to see it anew.
“Big,” you finally said, and we all laughed.
“It is big,” Tam replied to you, winking in agreement.
Somewhere, a bird started its evening call, and everyone looked west, hoping to see it. The breeze fluttered through Tam’s hair as she turned, brown curls catching the light, turning gold.
“Hold still,” Wally grinned, raising his camera again to frame her in the shot.
She smiled at him, but before Wally could press the shutter, Daniel came crashing through, and scooped the both of you up in his arms as you squealed with joy. “Cheese!” he cried.
Wally took the picture.
“Perfect,” he said.
There were so many secrets waiting for us, traps lying in wait, even then. But I don’t think anyone but me saw that first one.
I had always wondered, from the very first day I’d met him and Tam, if Wally wasn’t secretly in love with her. The way he clung to her, how they’d been inseparable since grade school, and the quiet, suppressed panic I saw in his eyes every time Tam was charming someone else in the geography department or at some academic conference, as if he was terrified that every new friend we accepted into our circle would take part of her away from him.
I imagined I understood better than anyone, after all. Wanting something to be true that never could be, and not wanting it to be true even more, because of what it would cost.
They were friends, best friends, and would be for life. That was what Wally believed. And he loved Daniel like a brother too, and you even more, Nell. Wally had spent so long repressing his real feelings for Tam, I think he didn’t even know they were there. They were like a phantom limb to him—a thing he’d convinced himself wasn’t real, even though he could still sense its ghost.
“Hey, why don’t we make a fire tonight?” I asked, picking up Tam’s previous suggestion. I was thinking of the other car, of having something nice ready to surprise Francis, Romi, and Bear with when they arrived. Bear could be a lot to handle when he was excited—especially for someone as reserved and serious as Francis. “We passed a grocery store on the way in—we could grill up dinner and then sit around the pit enjoying the fire while we eat.”
Talk turned to getting the trunk unpacked as quickly as possible so we could all dash back to the last town before the drive had given way to woods and the house, a little place about five miles away called Rockland, for supplies. Tam and I cleared out the cobwebs while Daniel and Wally brought in our books from the trunk and our suitcases strapped to the roof, and then we all piled back into the car.
In the Rockland Grocer and Butcher, Tam pushed you in the cart while Wally picked out all the ingredients we’d need for the side dishes, and I was in charge of Daniel, who would stand in front of the meat section for hours if unsupervised, examining cuts like he knew anything about cooking in the slightest. I gave him a little bit of time, but he still wasn’t done when Wally and Tam finished their part. They came over and leaned impatiently on the cart as we all waited, trying to keep you entertained.
Eventually, you started to become fussy. “Okay, give him ten more minutes. If he’s not finished by then, just leave him here in the store and we’ll drive home without him,” Tam said, taking you from the cart. Wally, as he often did, pulled out a handful of bills from his wallet to cover the groceries, since it was such a small expense for him.
“Where are you all going?” I asked as he handed me the money.
“Wally and I saw a little antiques shop next door on the way in,” Tam answered. “Almost every one of them has a musty old books and atlases section.”
“It’s going to be junk,” I said.
“Probably,” she replied. She gestured to Daniel, who was still staring at the meat and paying us no mind. “But it’s going to be better than this.”