I’ve got this sick feeling in my stomach, like something is wrong but I don’t know what. I mean, he was a little bit evasive today but surely not enough to warrant this anxiety.
Is my gut telling me something?
My phone pings with a notification and I smile. Ed.
I jump out of bed and grab my phone and flick the table lamp on.
Hi Pinkie,
Sorry I haven’t messaged you in a few days. I’ve been away seeing my family.
How are you?
I smile and reply:
That’s okay, I missed you.
Tell me about your trip.
His reply bounces in.
My trip was incredible, Kate came with me and met my family. Although I should have known it was all going too well.
I frown. What?
Why, what happened?
I got an email last night, I’ve finally found the artist that I’ve been searching for.
I smile. Oh my God. He found her.
Excitement fills me.
This is amazing!
No, it’s not.
She’s not an old lady as I thought, she’s young and beautiful.
Unattached.
I frown. What does that mean?
I read on.
I know who she is, I’ve seen her at auctions and have wanted to chase her before to ask her out. I’ve always felt like she was someone that I was supposed to meet.
I searched for her, even made my brothers follow her once.
And now to find that it was her paintings that have been calling me for so long . . .
I fear my fate has come to find me when I’ve finally found someone who makes me happy.
No.
Wait . . .
I read that last message again and my chest constricts.
What?
I put my head into my hands; this can’t be happening.
No.
You believe this woman, the artist, is your fate?
I don’t want to have regrets.
I can’t go forward with my life and always regret not going to her and finding out what may have been.
This woman has been in my heart long before anyone else.
The words blur as tears cloud my vision.
What about Kate?
I’m confused.
For the first time in my life, I’m happy with where I am, who I am with.
I feel complete, and yet . . . I can’t stop thinking that I have to go to her.
To see for myself if this is where I’m supposed to be.
Why now?
Why have I only found her now when I’ve been searching for her all along?
Why has fate been so cruel to deliver her to me when I care so much for someone else?
I sob out loud.
I’m going to lose him.
What should I do, Pinkie?
I slam my computer shut.
The lump is big in my throat and painful, and I angrily wipe my tears away.
This isn’t happening. Tell me this isn’t fucking happening.