Harriett took another puff off her joint. “You like him. Admit it. When are you planning to get some?”
“What?” Nessa felt her face burning. “Never!”
“Why not?” Harriett seemed to enjoy torturing her. “You kissed him, didn’t you?”
Just the thought of Franklin’s lips touching hers gave Nessa a jolt. “Can we just talk about Spencer Harding and Ponzi schemes?”
“I’ve told you everything that I know for the time being. So why don’t we take this opportunity to have a chat about your sex life? I don’t think you’re embarrassed. We’ve both lived too long for that.”
Nessa thought it over. “You’re right. I’m not embarrassed,” she concluded. “I guess I’d say I’m confused. I always thought women disappeared when they reached our age.”
“Disappeared?” Harriett coughed the word out and took another toke.
“You know, to men,” Nessa said. “I spent my whole nursing career getting my ass grabbed by dirty old bastards in hospital gowns. There were quite a few days when I wished I could disappear. It’s a relief not having to deal with that anymore.”
Harriett tilted her head back and released a smoke ring like the Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland. “If you want to be invisible now, you can be,” she said. “But why would you want to hide from handsome Franklin Rees?”
Nessa shrugged. “I don’t know what he’s interested in, anyway. I’m nowhere near as attractive as I used to be.”
Harriett’s head rolled back down and her gaze fell on Nessa. “By attractive, you mean young and thin?”
“What else would I mean?”
“When someone calls you attractive, it means you draw people to you,” Harriett said. “You think a tiny waist and wrinkle-free skin are the only things that can do that?”
“Yes, I know. I have a lovely personality.”
“I’m not joking. Do you know how beautiful it is to be alive? Do you have any idea how few people really are? You’ve got a spark. And even now, after everything you’ve been through, it’s as strong as ever. That’s what keeps Franklin fluttering around you like a lovesick moth.”
“You’re high, Harriett.”
“True,” she said. “I am indeed very stoned. But I was also in advertising for twenty-five years. Ad people like me are the ones who convinced women that being attractive was all about rosy cheeks and red lips. You know why? Because we could sell lipstick and bronzer and Botox and juice plans. There was no way to make money off the kind of allure that I’m talking about. So we sold a version of attractiveness you could buy instead. And over time, people forgot there was any other type. But some of us don’t need all the crap at Sephora to draw others to us. And like it or not, you are one of those people, my friend.”
“So you think that’s what Franklin sees in me? My spark?”
“You’re fucking hot, Nessa. Just like Jo. Just like me. And unlike Jo and me, you have that gorgeous big ass.”
“Thank you,” Nessa giggled.
“How long has it been?” Harriett asked.
Nessa didn’t want to say. After Jonathan died, she’d packed that part of herself away. Throughout her marriage, she’d never fantasized about anyone else. The truth was, she’d never even looked at another man in that way. Nessa felt Harriett’s eyes on her, and she worried how it would sound if she said that out loud. She didn’t expect Harriett to believe her. But for the fifteen years they were together, Nessa had been completely faithful to Jonathan in body, mind, and soul. Since his death, nothing had changed. Once she passed forty-five, she assumed nothing ever would.