He nodded. After a moment, he said, “I hadn’t thought of that.”
“It’s not your fault. But now you know.”
“You know I’m with you. Larison might take some persuading, though. His focus tends to be narrower than mine.”
“I know. And I don’t like it.”
“Don’t judge him too harshly. He hasn’t had the easiest life himself. And he has a lot of respect for you and your work.”
“Then he won’t do anything that would risk those videos being uploaded.”
He nodded. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t.”
She looked at him, conflicting emotions roiling inside her.
“What?” he said.
“Sometimes you’re so good to me it makes me want to hit you.”
He smiled. “Well, you could if you like. It’s not necessarily my thing, but I’m notoriously open-minded.”
She laughed, then said, “I’m serious.”
“Larison’ll be fine. And I’m happy to talk to him.”
“I’m sorry I’m so . . . difficult.”
“I don’t find you difficult. I love being with you, no matter what. Maybe that’s what you find difficult.”
She was too tired to spar with him. And what he’d said was too true. “Maybe.”
He smiled. “Tell you what. You want to make it up to me? I mean your difficultness and all that.”
“Maybe,” she said again.
“Lie down on the bed with me. And touch my face the way you do.”
“Yeah, we both know where that leads.”
“Past performance is no guarantee of future results.”
“But also hope springs eternal.”
He laughed. “Fair enough.”
She tried to think of what to say. What came out was “It’s okay. I want to, too.”
He looked at her, his expression so open it almost hurt. “You mean, touch my face?”
She shook her head. “Everything.”
“Well, everything could cover a lot of ground. I didn’t bring a Wonder Woman outfit or a golden lasso, but there might be a place open around here even at this hour.”
She laughed again. She’d never known anyone who made her laugh the way he did. She loved it, even though it also always made her sad.
“I just don’t know what it means,” she said.
“What what means?”
“Us . . . being together.”
“I don’t know, either.”
“Yeah, but what do you want it to mean?”
“Why don’t you let me worry about that?”
“I feel like I’m . . . I don’t know. Leading you on.”
“Please refer to my previous sentence.”
She laughed again, but she felt like he was deflecting. “You don’t feel that way?”
“No.”
“I know I . . . vacillate.”
“That’s fair.”
“It feels unfair.”
“You’ve never been unfair with me.”