He tells Charlie about the boyfriends whom he knew could never really love him back, the boyfriends who never bothered to find out what exists on the other side of Fun Dev, and the boyfriends who never called him beautiful, and Charlie takes Dev’s face in his giant hands and pulls him close. “You are the most beautiful man in the world.”
“I’m really not.”
“You are,” Charlie says, brushing kisses along his cheekbones. “You’re so good at seeing other people. I wish you could see yourself.”
Charlie
“An entire Group Quest based around touching? Whose idea was this?”
It’s Wednesday morning, and Dev is screaming at a field producer. Unfortunately, the field producer is screaming back, so neither of them hear Charlie quietly protesting, “It’s fine.”
“It was Maureen Scott’s idea to have the contestants learn Balinese massage, and if you have a problem with it, Dev, why don’t you call her yourself?”
“It’s really fine,” Charlie tries again, but Dev is already screaming back, “You should’ve caught this! Have you been sleepwalking through this season? Charlie doesn’t like to be touched, and—”
“It’s fine, Dev,” Charlie says loud enough this time. Dev stops, turns, and looks at Charlie. Well, he looks at Charlie’s ear. For their day of Balinese massage, Charlie and the contestants are all wearing sheer robes over their underwear. Charlie’s robe is decorated with pink frangipani flowers, and it cuts him across the upper thigh. He looks. Well. He looks very gay, and when he first stepped out of the changing room, Dev turned very pale and stopped looking at anything south of Charlie’s chin.
“You don’t have to say it’s fine,” Dev says. “It’s in your file. This is his fault.”
The field producer smiles beatifically at Dev while flipping him off with both hands.
“What the fuck is this?” Ryan shouts at everyone and no one as he comes stomping onto set. “Didn’t you dickweeds read his file? Why are we doing a massage Quest? Charlie doesn’t like to be touched!”
Charlie can hardly believe this is the same man who screamed at him seven weeks ago while he attempted to ride a horse. “It’s fine, Ryan. Really. I don’t mind.”
Ryan claps a hand on his shoulder. “Dude, you sure?”
“Dude. I’m so sure.”
Ryan shrugs and hurries off to prep the contestants, and the field producer returns to debriefing the camera crew. Only Dev still looks angry about the situation. “I really appreciate you standing up for me,” Charlie says quietly. “But if you remove every potential trigger from my path, I will never develop coping strategies. It’s okay to let me struggle sometimes. I’m okay with this Quest.”
Dev stubbornly tucks his chin against his chest, and Charlie understands so plainly, so quickly. Dev’s anger has nothing to do with Charlie and his triggers.
“Are you okay with this Quest?”
“Why wouldn’t I be okay with it?” Dev pushes his glasses up his nose.
“I don’t know. Maybe you’re… jealous?”
“I am not jealous,” Dev huffs, sounding unmistakably jealous. Charlie brushes his knuckles across Dev’s hand as he passes by, trying to reassure him with the one small gesture they’re permitted on set. It’s odd to return to this world of pretend when things with Dev off camera feel so real.
“Hello, I am Wayan,” says the petite Balinese woman once the cameras are all in place. She instructs the women on the art of massage, explaining different oils and techniques, before Charlie is forced to strip down under a thin towel so the women can give him semi-seductive massages one at a time. They mostly fail in this endeavor. Daphne acts like she’s more terrified of germs than he is, Lauren L. giggles the entire time, and Angie massages him like she’s kneading very stubborn dough. He’ll probably bruise. In their defense, there is truly nothing erotic about erotic massage with an audience, and he almost falls asleep while Sabrina rubs his calves with a disgusting amount of oil.