‘Did you know, A.C.?’ Archie pressed. ‘How many people were looking for you?’
‘I don’t remember,’ she said, watching the landscape roll by through the window. Again and again, when pressed for an explanation, that’s what she said. I don’t remember. Because to say anything remotely resembling the truth would not only damn me, but possibly land her where, until recently, she’d wanted so badly to be: with Archie, forever.
When they arrived home in Sunningdale to face the press, Archie – whose job it was to shield his wife and who had so little imagination of his own – told them the answer she’d given him.
She doesn’t remember.
‘The next year in my life is one I hate recalling,’ she wrote in her autobiography.
Years later, reading that sentence, I found myself smiling, as I often did when I saw little bits of our time out of time in her book. She scattered pieces of it, little remembrances, I never knew where or when they’d show up.
‘Must you read every one?’ Archie would ask, when I brought her newest novel to bed.
‘I’m sorry,’ I always answered, ‘they’re just so diverting.’
Agatha may have hated recalling some of that year. But not all of it. Certainly, not all of it.
Chilton watched Archie drive away with Agatha, then went back inside the hotel. He was aware of eyes upon him. The Leeches and Lippincott. He knew it should be an effort to remain composed. But it wasn’t. He didn’t feel numb. He only felt the absence of feeling. Which, strangely, gave him hope.
‘Chilton,’ Lippincott said, sterner than he cared to be with his dear friend. ‘I believe you have some explaining to do.’
‘I was tasked with finding Agatha Christie,’ Chilton said. ‘And so I have.’
Before Lippincott could answer Chilton turned and walked up the steps, taking them two at a time. Miss O’Dea’s door had been left ajar. He pushed and it swung inward with a sad creak. No doubt Leech would oil the hinge before the next guest arrived. He might already have been envisioning a plaque for the door, commemorating the author’s stay.
There on the desk, a folded piece of notepaper, Chilton’s name written across it in plain letters. He walked over and touched it. Brought it to his nose. If she had been living, these past ten days, in her own world, it would have smelled of Yardley Old English Lavender. But instead, from the brief interaction she’d had with the paper, the side of her wrist resting as she wrote, it smelled of woodsmoke and pine. The barest bit of sweat. Even a little like himself. He opened the paper carefully. He thought it might say, I’m sorry, or I love you. He most hoped it would contain instructions as to where they should meet, what their next course of action should be, how they would manage to be together.
Please see to my typewriter and most importantly my papers, her note read. I must have my work returned discreetly and as soon as possible.
He turned it over once, then twice. But that was all she’d written.
As for me:
When I was a girl, I fell in love with the sea. I fell in love with impossible green, and the long, cheeping syllables of skylarks, and kind, gentle people. ‘It’s like a country full of Father Christmases,’ I told Da, the first summer I returned from Ireland, and he laughed and said, ‘You make me wonder why I ever left.’ Neither of us could know what the future held for us, back when I loved him without reservation, so we hugged in solidarity.
When I was a girl, I fell in love with sheep roaming emerald hillsides and the dogs that chased them. Swooping gulls and plovers. The clattering of hooves and the dampness in the air, salty seafoam spraying the land. Seals lolling on rocks. The lilting sound of the brogue my mother teased me for acquiring, whenever I returned to London.
And I fell in love with a boy. The years took away my love for all but the last. Never an accomplice but my fellow victim, the only one on earth who could comprehend the barest thread of what I’d lost. And I knew if I saw him even one more time, my resolve would waver. Finbarr had never seen Genevieve, or held her. He’d never learned she existed until after she was already gone. And so he might persist in his attempts to lure me away, and if I saw him even one more time, I might very well succumb.