‘At least that would be speedy,’ said Sofia. ‘And no: Skylar says the science isn’t settled on alcohol and babies.’
‘I shall water it down. Then it will be homeopathic wine.’
Sofia laughed and waved her away.
‘Skylar isn’t the boss of you.’
‘Oh, thank God, she is,’ said Sofia. There came a caterwauling from the next room.
‘See, she’s only been away five minutes.’
‘I’ll get them,’ said Carmen. Sofia did her best not to betray what an amazing turn-up it was that Carmen was actively volunteering to be with the children.
‘Could you give them something to watch? Something improving, please. They could do without being traumatised again.’
‘I said I was sorry,’ said Carmen, going into the front room to fiddle with their incomprehensible TV remote.
She stopped in the doorway, turned back and looked at the huge, completely out-of-proportion shape of her sister. Without her or any of the children in there, it was like Sofia just let her face slump completely. She was practically asleep.
‘What?’ she said in a tired voice, opening her eyes again.
‘Oh nothing,’ said Carmen. ‘I was just going to ask you if you’re sure you want another one?’
Sofia made a shooing motion at her and Carmen fled the kitchen.
‘Okay,’ said Carmen in the den, looking in some confusion at the vast array of television options that confronted her. ‘What services have you got?’
It looked like all of them, which was odd, because Sofia was so against the children watching more than about nine seconds of TV a day. This must just be what rich people do, thought Carmen. You just take everything whether you’re going to use it or not. She thought of Blair and his new jacket and ridiculously overpriced wellingtons.
‘Ooh,’ she said, firing up the Disney channel. ‘They’ve got Muppet Christmas Carol! You must have seen that!’
‘Actually it’s “puppets”？’ said Pippa.
‘Not these ones,’ said Carmen. ‘They’re Magnificent Puppets. So. Muppets. Seriously, have you really never heard of the Muppets?’
‘We’ve watched all of David Attenborough,’ said Pippa.
‘Okay. Well. There’s lots of animals in this,’ said Carmen. ‘Mostly chickens though, I seem to remember.’
Phoebe crept forwards with interest to the trailer, which showed lots of frogs and pigs dancing.
‘Ooh,’ she said in delight.
‘I’m just putting something with animals on,’ hollered Carmen through to the kitchen. Sofia made an acquiescent noise.
After setting up the file, Carmen went back into the kitchen.
‘What do you mean, you were jealous of me always getting texts from boys?’ she said, glancing at her phone.
‘It was non-stop! Beep beep beep! For Carmen!’
‘But you had a gorgeous handsome boyfriend who adored you! That’s all I ever wanted.’
‘I was seventeen! said Sofia. ‘I should have been dashing about, having mad affairs with everyone and being scandalous! Duncan was boring as shit!’
‘But you went out with him for years!’
‘God and it felt like it.’
‘You looked so lovely at prom.’
‘I know,’ said Sofia. ‘I hadn’t eaten in three days. I nearly fainted.’