But still, she couldn’t help being proud of the haven her sister had made with the sweet smell of the expensive scented candles and the warmth and tasteful modern paintings – real, actual paintings with paint on – on the dark blue walls.
‘Well,’ he said.
Sofia descended the stairs as gracefully as any eight-months pregnant person can, i.e. not very. But her smile was lovely.
‘Hello,’ she said. ‘Welcome, Blair.’
‘Look at your beautiful house!’ he said, gallantly, flashing the teeth. ‘It is so kind of you to have me for dinner; I really can’t believe you’re letting me impose in this way.’
‘Too much! Too much!’ hissed Carmen.
‘Shut up!’ Blair whispered back. Sofia observed them both with some amusement.
‘Come, let me show you round,’ she said, but just as she did so there came the most ear-piercing scream.
They all jumped as Phoebe came barrelling out of the front room, closely followed by Jack, who was trying to look like someone who was not running for his life in terror but merely concerned for his sister.
Phoebe was in floods of utterly helpless tears and turned from Carmen to Sofia.
‘What on earth is it?’ said Sofia.
The TV noise from next door abruptly came to a halt and Pippa marched to the door, her small face furious, her little mouth pursed.
‘THAT,’ she exclaimed, ‘is FAR too frightening for children.’
‘What have you been watching?’ said Sofia immediately.
‘Oh yes, I put on Cannibal Drill Killers,’ said Carmen, stung. ‘It’s the Muppets! The Muppets aren’t scary!’
Instantly Phoebe burst into tears again, getting louder, and Jack and Pippa started immediately shouting that yes in fact they were VERY, VERY SCARY, and Phoebe carried on moaning and crying and gulping for breath. Blair was standing there, looking as if he didn’t know what on earth to do with himself, as indeed he did not.
‘For goodness’ sake,’ said Sofia. ‘I asked you if it was suitable and you said it was animals.’
‘Puppet animals!’ said Carmen. As a group, they tried to head through into the TV room to see, impeded by Phoebe who, whimpering, grabbed their hands and refused to let them through. Jack eventually pushed open the doorway into the dark room, where Pippa had freeze-framed the screen onto a huge hooded ghostly figure holding out a skeletal finger. In the dark room, on the ridiculously gigantic six-foot screen, it looked incredibly frightening. Phoebe immediately let out a piercing scream again and Sofia shouted, ‘Switch it off, Jack!’ but he gave her a horrified look and mutely shook his head. Pippa was trembling but said in a wobbly voice, ‘I’ll do it, Mummy.’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake,’ said Carmen, uncurling Phoebe’s fingers and entering the dark room to switch it off, furious at how embarrassed she was at the commotion. ‘It’s A Christmas Carol. It’s great literature.’
‘That’s an adult book,’ said Sofia disapprovingly.
‘NOT! WHEN! THERE! ARE! MUPPETS! IN! IT!’
She struggled to find the right button on the remote, mistakenly turning on a crashing movie channel which had the Rock blowing something up which was absurdly loud through their super-expensive sound system and provoked another scream from Phoebe.
‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ she hissed to herself, stabbing at the remote.
‘I could come back,’ lied Blair, whose evening had taken a slightly more domestic turn than he’d planned.
At that moment, the door shot open, and looking lithe and blonde and completely unfazed, Skylar entered, beaming.