Elexis shrugged. “Because I don’t think your dad did anything?”
“Why?”
“He just … doesn’t seem like he would.” Elexis narrowed his eyes at his video game, quickly killing off a slew of masked bandits. “Besides, if I ratted out family my nana would kill me.”
Logan blinked; she hadn’t expected such relief. She gathered herself and smiled. “That’s how us gays get you. You get distracted by the fancy button-ups and next thing you know, you’re getting tossed in the dumpster out back.”
Nick choked. “You’re a lot weirder than you look.”
Logan smiled. It was like she’d passed some kind of test—Elexis went back to his game while Nick dug into computer parts, explaining each one to Logan as he went. Logan listened and nodded, plucking snacks from her to-go box and, for the first time since she got to Snakebite, it felt like she could breathe. If Snakebite was war, Elexis’s room was a single patch of sanctuary. The boys weren’t the ultra-queer crowd of loose acquaintances she’d had back in LA, but Snakebite was a different world. In Snakebite, people were either allies or enemies. She wasn’t sure what Ashley was, but Nick and Elexis were at least vaguely on her side.
She’d finally found allies.
14
Grief Like Seeds
“The girls didn’t wanna join us?” Tammy asked from the kitchen, slipping a piece of sourdough into the toaster oven. Her bright blond curls were tucked up in a fitness headband, makeup done to perfection. She’d clearly expected guests. “I made enough for the whole gang.”
“They were busy,” Ashley lied. “It’s okay. I’m glad it’s just you and me.”
Historically, Sunday morning brunches on the lake had the magic ability to fix any kind of sadness. This was the way she’d gotten over a failed math test and the first time the Ford broke down and the time Fran temporarily decided she didn’t want to be friends anymore. It was a long shot to believe that brunch could solve the problem of her boyfriend’s disappearance, but it was worth a try. At the very least, it was a chance to figure out what the cabin was all about.
While Tammy fixed a plate of toast and jelly, Ashley set the table on the back deck with silverware, mugs, and a fresh pot of coffee. The sky was still rosy with morning, the wind off the lake crisp and cool, but the sun was fat and low on the horizon, glaring at them through the heat. It was too early for it to be this hot outside, but that’s how it had been ever since Tristan disappeared. Either too hot or too cold, always at the extreme. Tammy settled in with her coffee and a self-help book for “girl bosses.” Ashley left her hibiscus tea to steep and leaned her head back against the chair, inspecting the tangled juniper limbs overhead. This was easy. Ashley inhaled and exhaled and it felt like the first time she’d done it in weeks.
“What’s going on with you?” Tammy asked. She tucked a loose strand of Ashley’s hair behind her ear. “You seem stressed.”
Ashley cupped her hands around her mug for warmth. “Same as always. I’m fine.”
“Tristan?”
Ashley looked out at the water.
“If he’s out there, he’ll come back,” Tammy said. “You’ve got it all under control. That’s how us Barton girls are. Calm under fire.”
Ashley nodded.
“Not to make this about me, but I can tell you from experience, sometimes boys leave because they think they’re gonna find themselves somewhere else.” Tammy took a long drink of coffee. “Sometimes they come back different. If God wants to take them out of your life, he’ll take them. Things always fall into place. Don’t drive yourself crazy over it.”
Ashley wished it was as easy as her mother made it sound. But this wasn’t like her dad—Tristan wasn’t off in some other city with a new family. He hadn’t run off to avoid a life here. In fact, Tristan had been ready to make Snakebite his forever. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw him in the woods. She saw him choking, bruised, dying.