Sometimes, a spirit’s final business wasn’t talking to someone, or exposing their murderer, or seeing their own dead body—sometimes it was simply a waiting game.
Ben was playing a different sort of waiting game on the sidewalk. He looked paler than he had a few minutes before. “That man—he looked like I do. Shimmery and . . .” With a hard inhale, he sank into a crouch, his hands on the back of his neck. “I really am dead, aren’t I?”
I finished my bite of cookie, and sank down next to him. “Do you really not remember how you died?”
He shook his head. “No. I mean—I—I remember leaving work, and then . . .” He inhaled sharply. Halted. Clenched his jaw. “It was . . . just outside of the building, wasn’t it? My accident?”
Silently, I nodded, but I wasn’t sure he saw me. If he saw anything, really. His eyes had this distant look to them, a thousand-mile stare to a place and time he’d never be again.
“I—I was typing an email on my phone when . . . the van popped the curb and . . .” He blinked, his eyes wet with tears, as he looked up at me. His voice cracked as he said, “How did I forget that?”
“I don’t know,” I replied gently, wishing that I did know something—anything—to help him. I knelt down beside him, curling my arms around my knees. “I’m sorry.”
He bent his head, as if he could hide the fact that he was crying, but his too-big shoulders shaking gave him away. I wanted to reach out for his shoulder, to comfort him in one of those there, there pats, but I couldn’t even touch him. I wasn’t good at other people’s emotions because I didn’t know how to help, usually. When someone was in pain, I wanted to fix it. And I couldn’t.
Which made me frustrated.
And when I was frustrated, I cried. If I was not already mortified enough. This had to stop—now. I tried the only way I knew how. “A-At least you’re still kinda hot,” I sobbed.
He jerked his attention to me. His eyes were red rimmed. “W-What?”
The tears just kept coming. I pushed them away as quickly as I could. “D-Drop-dead g-gorgeous, really.”
“I . . . I don’t—are you—？”
“I b-bet you s-strike a k-k-killer silhouette.”
“You’re crying and trying to hit on me?”
“I’m trying to make you laugh so you stop crying, because then I’ll stop crying,” I lamented, but it sounded more like I’mtryingtomakeyoulaughsoyoustopcryingbecausethenillstopcrying, and it was a miracle he even understood me at all.
But he did—and he laughed. It was soft, and weak, more of a pah than a laugh, but it was there. He rubbed his palms over his eyes. “You’re the weirdest woman I’ve ever met.”
“I know,” I sniffed. “But d-did it work?”
“No,” he said, but he was lying. In the afternoon light, his cheeks were turning a very delicate shade of red despite the tears in his eyes, and it only made the mark above the left side of his lip look that much darker.
“Oh, don’t you die of mortification on me,” I teased.
“I’m apparently already dead,” he replied softly. “So that’s impossible.”
“I don’t know, your cheeks are a dead giveaway.”
He pursed his lips together, and then said, surprising me, “I’m afraid you’re gravely mistaken.”
I barked a laugh, a real laugh that I didn’t know I had in me anymore, and it surprised me. It surprised him, too, because he looked away to hide a smile, rubbing the tears out of the corners of his eyes. While the mission wasn’t accomplished, I think I did get him to feel a little better, and at least he wasn’t crying, and that meant I wasn’t crying, either.