I muster up another smile, but deep down, I can’t help but wonder what that feels like. The fantastic sex part.
My sex life hasn’t exactly been sunshine and rainbows and sparkly tiaras. It’s been fear and anger and years of therapy, and when I was finally ready to try my hand at the whole sex thing, it certainly didn’t work out the way I wanted. Two years after the rape, I slept with a college freshman I met at a coffee shop in Philly when I was visiting my aunt. We spent the whole summer together, but the sex was awkward and lacking passion. At first I thought maybe we just didn’t have chemistry…until the same thing happened with Devon.
Devon and I had the kind of chemistry that could set a room on fire. I was with him for eight months, insanely attracted to the guy, but no matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t able to get past my…fine, I’ll call a spade a spade. My sexual dysfunction.
I couldn’t have an orgasm with him.
It’s so fucking mortifying even thinking about it. And even more humiliating when I remember how frustrating it was for Devon. He tried to please me. God, he tried. And it’s not like I can’t have orgasms on my own—because I can. Easily. But I just couldn’t make it happen with Devon, and eventually he grew tired of working so hard and not seeing any results.
So he dumped me.
I don’t blame him. Must be a major hit on your manhood when your girlfriend doesn’t enjoy your sex life.
“Hey, you’re white as a sheet.” Allie’s concerned voice jerks me back to the present. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” I assure her. “Sorry, I spaced out.”
Her blue eyes soften. “You’re really upset about not seeing your parents for Thanksgiving, huh?”
I eagerly take the exit she gives me, nodding in agreement. “Like you said, it sucks.” I manage a shrug. “But I’ll see them at Christmas. That’s something, at least.”
“It’s everything,” she says firmly. “Now brush your teeth and make yourself beautiful, babe. I’ll have coffee waiting for you when you come back.”
“Aw gee, you’re the best wifey ever.”
She grins. “Just for that, I’m spitting in your coffee.”
11
Garrett
Hannah shows up around five in a thick parka with a fur hood and bright red mittens. The last I checked, there wasn’t a speck of snow on the ground, but now I’m wondering if I somehow slept through a blizzard when I was taking my catnap.
“Did you just fly in from Alaska?” I ask as she unzips the puffy parka.
“No.” She sighs. “I’m wearing my winter coat because I couldn’t find my other one. I thought I might have left it here.” She glances around my bedroom. “I guess not, though. Ugh. I hope I didn’t leave it in the music room. I just know one of those freshman girls is going to steal it. And I love that coat.”
I snicker. “What’s your excuse for the mittens?”
“My hands were cold.” She cocks her head. “What’s your excuse for the ice pack?”
I realize I’m still holding an ice pack to my side, right where Greg Braxton’s behemoth body had slammed into me. I’m bruised to shit, and Hannah gasps when I lift the bottom of my shirt to show her the fist-sized purple bruise on my skin.
“Oh my God! Did that happen at your game?”
“Yup.” I slide off the bed and head for my desk to grab my Ethics books. “St. Anthony’s has the Incredible Hulk on their team. He loves to wail on us.”
“I can’t believe you willingly put your body through this,” she marvels. “It can’t be worth it, can it?”