She knew it as soon as she saw his basset hound eyes. She knew that Christopher was alive. She knew that the building wasn’t on fire. She knew that Miriam’s body had been found.
There’s this myth that dogs go away to be alone when it’s time for them to die so that they can spare the pack the sadness of their death. It isn’t true. If a dog goes into hiding when it becomes ill, it does so to avoid becoming a target for other animals when it can’t protect itself. A dying dog doesn’t hide out of compassion. It does so out of fear.
Liesl had been prepared for bad news. The bad news had been coming and coming and coming. No reason to think it would suddenly get better. That wasn’t the way of the world. When a bad thing happens, it is usually the signal that more bad things are about to happen. Earthquakes have aftershocks and all that. In early September, Liesl had been working on a book about gardening, in her house with her husband, getting ready to retire. Nothing good had happened since. Still, when Francis gave her the news, she was worried she would fall down from the shock of it. She took his arm and then let go of it and sat alone on the dusty concrete floor.
Liesl wanted to work on her book. She didn’t know what to do with any of this situation. The dying man, the dead woman, the criminal working somewhere close to her. She wanted to go and tell Garber that she was leaving, going home to work on her book of flowers.
She wished she didn’t need Francis’s comfort to bear the news. She wished she wasn’t glad that Francis was there. He took her hand and pulled her up off the floor. This was practical, not romantic. They were old, and sitting on a concrete floor could lead to days of aches. Liesl and Francis and the whole library staff had braced for a death for weeks, but not for Miriam’s death. Preparation for one did not mean they were prepared for the other. Francis took her to some shelving stools. They might have been the same stools that the two had sat on in weeks past.
Liesl shuddered and pressed her hands together to keep them from shaking. The news made her think of the time Miriam had spontaneously recited the Dickinson poem, made her think of a woman full of poetry, a woman moved to recite by the sight of a rich yellow hue, and it made her wonder if the thoughtful poet could be the same soul as the self-slaughterer. The news made her think of Miriam at the new-faculty reception. Begging for attention and, it seemed, finally begging for help.
Liesl had never known anyone who had taken their own life. Francis had. This history did not lend him additional perspective. It was just a fact about him. Because they were not young, they had dealt with a lot of death, but Liesl did not know if a suicide should be treated like any other death. Usually she would bring a lasagna from the Harbord Bakery. She wondered if it was appropriate to bring Vivek a lasagna. She didn’t ask Francis. Men never knew the answers to these sorts of things.
After about thirty minutes, they went upstairs. Liesl gathered the staff who were working that day. They sat in the reading room that wasn’t really a reading room, and in that beautiful space, in that cathedral of books, she told them Miriam was dead. Francis stood at the back of the room and nodded with encouragement. Liesl was not encouraged. One of their own was dead, and one of them was a thief.
***
Miriam had been discovered by a couple of teenagers who went to the woods to get high. They had stolen the pot from an elder brother’s T-shirt drawer. This information came tumbling out of one of the boys without prompting from the police. Minor crimes were not crimes at all when there was a body under discussion. The woods weren’t really wild forest; that scarcely exists close to a city anymore. Rather, in the trees ninety minutes from the campus was a campground. The type of place where teenagers in packs or families with small children congregate on long weekends. With flattened patches of dirt to pitch a tent and poles with water and electricity at the far end of each campsite so one can be in nature but not forgo a cell phone charger or a French press. In high summer the place was not like the woods at all; it rang with music and laughter, the sounds of beer cans being cracked open and the smell of marshmallows charring over a fire.
Come Labor Day, the crowds disappeared. The type of person who goes camping in the cold is not the type of person who comes to such a place. There was a park ranger stationed by the gate, but the teen boys, and presumably Miriam, knew that there were ways to sneak in. The boys had been driving a twenty-seven-year-old aquamarine Dodge Shadow that made a high whistling sound as it ran, so they ditched it by the gate and decided they would get high on foot. They were nervous. Scared of what the sensation would be like, scared they would get caught. Neither had ever done drugs, not even marijuana, before. They were good kids.