I arrive home and discover the one plant I own is extremely dead. Keeley bought it when I was discussing getting a cat to prove I could not take care of a cat桰 guess it抯 a good thing we ran this experiment first. I sigh, 揝orry, my little plant friend, it wasn抰 meant to be.?I throw it in the trash and the apartment seems emptier than before, which is an accomplishment because it抯 been empty since I moved in.
I bet Ben抯 house is gross. I picture a leather sofa covered in bodily fluids, a dartboard and artwork of the 揇ogs Playing Poker?or 揓ames Dean sitting in a 50s cafe?variety.
And I would definitely look down on him for all of this, but when he stepped into me, when his hands ran from my back to my ass and he started moving me toward the bedroom卛t would not matter all that much. The next morning, I would, indeed, be appalled I just slept with someone who owns 揇ogs Playing Poker?but for the hours preceding it桞en抯 weight pushing me into the bed桰 bet I抎 be able to look past it.
13
You can make anyone seem like a monster if you know enough about him: if you put him on the stand and ask about the time he drank too much at a party, told an off-color joke, got into an ugly argument in public, was late for school pick-up. The trick is to know about all these things.
Dennis Roberts, a college basketball coach in the process of divorcing my client, has practically done my job for me.
揙h, Dennis,?I say aloud, going through his social media accounts, 揑 deeply appreciate your lack of discretion.?
I hear a laugh and look up at Ben standing just inside my door. He抯 smiling卆nd he has dimples. I don抰 know why that makes my heart give one overly loud thump. 揥hat did he do??he asks.
I抳e learned, after what happened at Stadler, that no one you work with is truly your friend, but I抳e missed being able to share a victory with the few people who will truly understand it. 揝ent a picture of his dick to a temp,?I reply, unable to hold in a grin. 揂nd then tried to pay her off.?
His smile, for a moment, is almost affectionate. 揙nly you would be so excited about potential harassment of an employee.?
揧ou抎 find it exciting, too, if you weren抰 hoping to get away with it yourself. Did you need something??
He blinks, as if I抳e caught him at something. 揇id you finish the records request??
I sigh. 揑 did it this morning. If you抎 checked your inbox, you抎 know that already. Also, I抦 not an idiot, so don抰 treat me like a first year.?
He shoves his hands in his pockets as he comes a step closer. 揑 don抰 need to check my inbox when I can just ask. And you抮e not partner yet, so it抯 not like I抦 going to assume you抮e competent.?
That devil on my shoulder starts whispering suggestions again. She抯 full of bad ideas, and I lack the restraint to ignore her today. 揝omeone抯 in a bad mood. Did your girlfriend not ask you to the winter formal??
揑抦 sure she will, once she抯 in high school.?
My traitorous mouth twitches. 揧ou抮e disgusting.?
揝peaking of things that don抰 impress you,?he says, a flicker of unease in his gaze, 揾ow did it go with the chef??
揋reat,?I reply briskly. 揜eally fun.?Though I抦 not sure listening to Tad talk about how 搕urnt?he got the night before and then paying for the opportunity was as superb as I抦 making it sound.
揂nd how was his cottage??His face says I know for a fact that asshole did not have a cottage.
揂mazing. Six-burner Wolff range. Subzero refrigerator. He made me popovers this morning and served them to me in bed.?
He freezes, and for a moment he looks sort of卲issed off. 揂re you serious??
I roll my eyes. 揘o, because it was a first date. Visiting his cottage and having him make me a gourmet breakfast is more of a third-date scenario.?
His eyes are still narrowed. 揧our expectations might be a bit high.?
I pull out a pen. 揕ower expectations厰 I repeat, scribbling the words on my desk calendar. 揟hat抯 great life advice, Ben. Anything else??I hold eye contact with him and bite the tip of my pen, as if waiting breathlessly for more.
揧eah,?he says, heading for the door, nostrils flaring. 揘o chef is ever going to make you happy. And you抎 fucking hate breakfast in bed.?
What抯 strange is that he seems angry about it.
What抯 even stranger is that I suspect he may be right.
I knock on Victoria Jones?door Saturday morning, and Lola, twelve, opens it and ushers me inside. The place is a mess, but if I was a single mom with rheumatoid arthritis and three kids, I抎 probably be cutting some corners too.
I hand Lola A Wrinkle in Time because it was a book I loved at her age. She hugs me and I endure it, but in truth I want to walk away and not know this world here exists. Not caring is so much easier than caring.