He barks a startled laugh. 揂re you serious??
I wave my hand. 揥e抮e talking about you right now. Ten is really young.?
His lips press together. 揑t was just a bad situation all around. My youngest brother, Colin, was only a week old at the time. It was卙ard. For all of us.?
I picture a woman like my mom, overwhelmed with a newborn, suddenly a widow, presumably still in love with her husband. It would be agonizing, but at least children would give you a reason to keep plowing forward, and that抯 what you need in life when the worst things happen: a reason to keep going.
My father and I were all my mother had, and he tried to remove us both from her life. I think that抯 what upset me most: the way you can, in theory, love someone and then just stop, without warning. I wonder if it bothers Ben that it can happen by accident too.
揝he was lucky she had you and your brother, at least,?I suggest. 揟o give her a purpose.?
A muscle flickers, just beneath his cheekbone, as if he disagrees. For a moment, he seems very far away. 揥hat happened with your parents??he asks.
My trauma now seems small compared to his, barely worth discussing and certainly not worth hiding.
揗y father left my mom when I was fifteen,?I tell him. 揌e completely pulled the rug out from under her.?
Ben抯 head turns. 揥as he a lawyer??
I give a small, bitter laugh. 揧es, so he knew exactly what to do and who to call. He hid assets, took the house, even repossessed her car. She found herself without a penny, with every credit card cut off. She was absolutely screwed.?
His tongue taps his upper lip, as if he抯 learned something about me that he hasn抰。
揇on抰 get that look on your face like you suddenly have some deep insight into my psyche,?I warn with an irritated click of my tongue. 揑t抯 all very much on the surface. My father treated my mother terribly in their divorce, like tons of men before and after him, and I want to even the playing field. You all call me The Castrator. You know what I bet they call Paul Sheffield for doing the same fucking thing? A really good attorney.?
He's quiet for a moment and finally nods. 揧eah, you抮e probably right.?
I blink in surprise. Males, especially male lawyers, love to tell you you抮e wrong about these things, then pontificate for hours on how you抮e wrong.
揑 honestly have no idea what to say when you agree with me,?I tell him, hiding a smile. 揧ou just made it awkward.?
He laughs. 揌ow rude of me. I抣l try to do better.?
The car slows and I realize, to my surprise, that we抳e arrived at the Getty Center. Even more surprisingly, I sort of wish we hadn抰。
Ben climbs out first and extends a hand to me. I accept, reluctantly, and try not to think about how much I like the feel of it梙is large, firm hand swallowing mine. Staying close to my side, he moves me toward the red carpet, where a photographer stops and insists we pose. I抦 on the cusp of saying, 搘e抮e not together?when Ben抯 arm eases around my back, as if we抮e a couple. It抯 bizarre, how natural it feels. There抯 no weird 搘here should I put my hand??moment, no question of whether we抮e too close or too far apart梬e just fit. But I抦 not going to think about that right now. Boundaries, Gemma.
揇o I need to remind you not to hook up with a client抯 wife in the bathroom at regular intervals??I ask with a grin while the photographer gets in place. 揙r do you just, like, set an alarm on your phone to remind yourself??
There抯 a flash. The photographer has just caught me smiling up at Ben like he抯 Prince Charming. Super. 揑 wasn抰 hooking up with her,?Ben says, steering me toward the entrance. 揟hat client抯 wife? He was taking money from their kids?college funds to go to Vegas, and she wanted me to tell her how she could stop him.?
I still. Offering legal advice to someone opposing your client is a breach of ethics. She put him in a terrible position. 揥hat did you do??
He observes me for a moment. It抯 a risk, answering this question. I could get him in a lot of trouble if he messed up. 揑 gave her some advice and the name of an attorney who could help.?
I stare at him, shocked that he抯 trusting me with this. I抳e been terrible to him. I抳e been terrible to him about this. 揧ou let everyone think you were hooking up with her all this time to protect her.?
He shrugs, as if it抯 meaningless. 揂nd to protect myself. Fields wouldn抰 have approved, obviously.?
揟hat棓 I whisper, 搘as very decent of you.?
His eyes hold mine, and I swear for a moment I see an apology there once more. 揑抦 capable of it on occasion.?
I give him the smallest nod and look away. Something about this conversation leaves me feeling oddly fragile and defenseless. I hate this feeling. I hate the inclination to trust him.