She tells us most of the staff knows nothing about these outings until the guys come in talking about it the next day, with an expense report filed a few weeks later. Only one female, Lauren, was ever invited. 揟hey said she could come but only if she got on stage,?Leona scoffs. 揂s if she抎 want to come anyway. What woman would feel comfortable in that situation??
And that抯 precisely the problem: men in power keep the circle closed by making it uncomfortable for women to step inside, which leads to a conference room full of men in gray suits making more decisions that only benefit them.
揥e need to make sure we go about this in a way that it can抰 be traced to her,?I say, once we抮e in the car. 揥e抣l have to work backward. Get proof from the strip clubs that those charges went on a company card. I know an investigator who can help us.?
揂nd talk to Lauren, if we can find her,?he adds.
I notice he抯 driving farther into Beverly Hills, rather than back toward the office. 揥here are we going??
揑抳e got to run by a friend抯 house,?he says.
揂 friend??I ask. I sound wary, which I am, but inside I抦 the tiniest bit pleased. Kyle and I were on different coasts and had separate lives. If I抦 ever with someone again, I don抰 want to be on the outside.
揇on抰 worry,?he says, 搉o one抯 home. But he lives around the corner and asked me to pick up his mail.?
I抦 equal parts relieved and disappointed.
A few minutes later, he pulls into the circular drive of a monstrously tacky mansion.
I laugh as I climb from the car. 揧ou have friends who live here??
揟hey used to live here. Tali hated it. It抯 on the market now, and they moved into a much nicer place off Mulholland Drive.?
揑t抯 the turrets,?I say. 揥ere they worried the Romans would invade??
揌ayes went through a very long, very strange phase before he met his wife. It seems to be over now.?
He enters a code into the front door and crosses the hall to disable the alarm.
揧ou抮e sure we抮e not going to get arrested for trespassing??
揑抦 sure I won抰 be,?he says with a grin, scooping the mail off the floor.
He leads me through the mostly empty house and we walk out to a large covered terrace and down a flight of stairs, where a long, rectangular pool glimmers in the moonlight. At its edge, he kicks off his shoes and rolls up his pants before taking a seat, letting his legs slide into the water. Warily, I kick off my shoes and sit beside him.
I look around. 揝o where are your friends, anyway? Why can抰 they get their own mail??
揟hey抮e in Italy working on a second kid this week,?he says.
揙nly married people would refer to having sex repeatedly as work.?
He laughs. 揟hey抎 change your thoughts on marriage. They抮e happy together.?
I want to say, 搒ure, until one of them gets bored? but a part of me is tired of being that person. A part of me wants to be a bit more like Ben, someone who still has faith in the concept of forever.
揧ou抳e done some family law,?I say quietly. 揌ow can you still be such an optimist??
揟here抯 a reason I no longer do it. Once you see bad marriages, you start looking for more of them. You start believing that fifty percent of couples split up, and the other fifty percent are fooling themselves. And I know that抯 not the truth. It isn抰 that way for my friends. It wasn抰 like that for my parents.?
His eyes darken for a quick second. I抳e known other people who lost a parent young, and most of them seem to have accepted it, moved past it. I get the sense, somehow, that Ben hasn抰。
揟hat must have been so hard on your mom,?I venture. 揝he抯 lucky she had you and your brother.?
揂ctually, there are four of us. It抯 me, then Graham, then Simon, and then Colin.?
I blink. His mother was widowed with four young sons, one of them a newborn. My heart gives a small twist. 揋od,?I whisper, 搒he must have been so overwhelmed.?
揝he was,?he says quietly. 揑t took a long time for her to come back from it.?
I want to ask what he means, how long is a 搇ong time? but it抯 clearly a topic he抯 not comfortable with. Seeing that repressed sadness in Ben makes something soften inside me. I have an almost overwhelming desire to touch him, to twine my fingers with his. I slide my hands beneath my thighs instead.
揥hat about you??he asks. 揘o siblings??
I shake my head. 揘o, thank God. My mom always wanted more but it didn抰 happen.?
His brow furrows. 揧ou wouldn抰 have wanted siblings??
揝ure, if they were my mother抯 kids. My dad always implied it was her fault she didn抰 get pregnant again, but then nothing happened with his next wife either, and I抦 glad it didn抰。？It would have crushed my mother to see him create an entirely new family when she抎 wanted it for them so much. 揋o ahead: tell me how wrong it is to gloat over a couple抯 infertility.?