I roll my eyes. 揟hey belong to a friend. Money is a little tight this year.?
Money will be tight every year for Victoria, for the rest of her damn life. It bothers me. Those kids could become anything they wanted, and I抦 not sure they抣l ever get the chance. Sure, I put myself through college and law school, but I also spent my childhood surrounded by people who抎 made it, and who抎 assured me I would too. They don抰 have that.
I leave him studying the Legos and head to the book section for Lola. Delight stirs inside me as I browse the covers, just like it did when I was a child, combing through books at the library every Wednesday afternoon.
I抎 forgotten it until now but卪y mom was right. I was a really happy kid. I guess, actually, I抦 kind of happy now too. I freeze for a moment, shocked by the realization, and stare at Ben as he approaches with an entirely full cart.
I抦 happy for the first time in six years because of you.
揚icking up a little reading material??he asks, grinning at the vampire book in my hands.
I laugh. 揧es. Because I have so much free time these days to read about vampires.?I look at his cart. 揗y God, Ben. Did you buy every Nerf gun? You抳e got to put some of that back.?
We finish our shopping. Ben insists on paying for all of it, silencing my argument. 揧ou can get it next Christmas if you make partner. But I wouldn抰 bank on it,?he adds with a grin. 揅raig抯 a pretty strong candidate.?
揝omeone抯 asking to get shot with a Nerf gun when we get home,?I reply.
We carry everything up to my apartment, and I抦 sweating by the time the final trip is completed. 揑 need a shower,?I tell him.
揂re you going to explain how you made friends with someone who can抰 afford toys for her kids??he asks.
I bite my lip. He抯 still a partner, and I抦 still explicitly defying Fields?orders on this matter. But he helped me, and against all odds I have faith in him.
揑 did some pro bono work for her a while ago,?I reply, carrying one of the bags to the coat closet.
揤ictoria,?he says, and I come to a sudden stop.
揌ow do you know about her??I demand. If Fields knows卛t抯 a wonder I抦 even employed.
揥hen I arrived at FMG棓 a hint of a smile creeps in at the corner of his mouth 摋an associate suggested you were still doing pro bono work after Fields told you to stop. I went to check.?
If that抯 true, then I should have been fired two years ago. I stare at my feet. 揝o厰
揝o I watched you in court,?he says, 揳nd then I told the associate in question he抎 be fired if he mentioned your name again, but I抎 make it worth his while if he didn抰。 You deserve to take those cases.?
I stare at him in complete shock. Craig. He抯 been throwing Craig work for two years for me.
揟hat was nice of you,?I whisper.
His smile is so gentle I can barely stand to look at him. 揑t was nicer of you.?
I excuse myself and walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I lean over the sink and weep silently, and I抦 not even sure why.
34
The office is jovial the week before Christmas梩here are constant treats in the break room and carols playing on Terri抯 computer. I guess I抦 kind of jovial too. Ben convinces me to get a tiny tree and we decorate it together, though we sort of half-ass it because Ben抯 only in his boxers and we keep getting distracted. We watch It抯 a Wonderful Life one night and he pulls me against him with a quiet laugh when I tear up at the end. 揑 knew you抎 cry,?he says, pressing his lips to the top of my head. He says it, though, as if it抯 a good thing.
I抦 only going home for the weekend, though it抯 more for my mother抯 sake than mine. She抎 have felt guilty asking for days off during the post-season rush, and guiltier still if she抎 gone to work knowing I was waiting at her apartment.
I have a meeting Friday afternoon, and by the time I get back to the office to grab my suitcase, most of the staff, including Ben, is gone. On my desk sits a beautifully wrapped present, one I抦 certain is from Ben though we agreed not to exchange gifts. It抯 a pair of navy Louboutins I抳e been lusting after for months: leather that is made to look like denim and what must be nearly a five-inch heel. I have no idea how the hell he knew I wanted them.
The note says It抯 as much for me as for you; therefore, not a gift.
Even his romantic gestures involve argument, but I clutch the note to my chest. It抯 like he抯 slowly prying me open after years of being shuttered closed, and I抦 emerging into the sunlight at last, remembering how good it all is.
It抯 really going to hurt if I have to give it up again.
I take the red-eye to DC and arrive early on Christmas Eve. My mother makes brunch for us, and I set the table. She抯 still using the same plates and glasses she took when she and my father split up. I find that infuriating.