Caring and brave.
The thing is, I can see our future so clearly . . . the three of us.
It’s perfect.
I just have to figure out how to get there.
“I’ve been thinking about what school Eddie will go to,” he says.
“I’m not sure school is such a great option,” I reply.
“What do you mean?”
“Kids are mean, Chris. He can’t read or write. They will pick on him, and I feel like sending him to a snooty school is setting him up for failure.”
“But he has to learn, Grumps. He can’t not go to school.”
“I’m not saying never. I mean at first. I think he should be homeschooled for a while.”
“But how will he make friends?”
“He doesn’t need friends; he needs a family. Friends will come later on, but at this early stage he needs to be protected. He’s been through enough.”
“Hmm, maybe . . .” He thinks.
“I could . . .” I pause, dreading his reaction. “I could come and help for a while.”
“Meaning what?”
“I could stay and help you with Eddie.”
“I don’t want you to move here for Eddie, Hayden. If you move here, it has to be for me.”
I close my eyes. My heart hammers in my chest.
Fuck.
Just say it . . .
“Christopher . . . I regret not trying harder,” I whisper. “You were right. I should have stayed and worked through it with you. I feel like a massive failure.”
He stays silent.
“I feel like I’ve ruined everything, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“No, babe,” he says softly. “It was my fault. I pushed you too hard.”
“You didn’t. You did everything right.”
“What are you saying?” he asks.
“I’m saying I want another chance.” My heart hammers in my chest, nervous about his reaction. “I’m saying that I’ll . . .” I shrug. “I’ll work harder on settling in, and the apartment will be great. I’ll get used to it.”
“I don’t want you to have to get used to it.”
“I can’t get used to being without you,” I whisper.
“Haze . . . ,” he says softly. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”
I screw up my face in tears. “I’m so sorry.”
“Sweetheart, it’s me that’s sorry.”
“So . . . I can come back?” I whisper hopefully.
“Of course you can come back. I love you; you know that.”
I sob out loud as relief overwhelms me. “I love you.”
“Now we just have to get this visa through so that we can be together.”
I laugh through tears. “The three of us.”
“Yeah.” He smiles. “The three of us.”
Four painfully long weeks later
The plane touches down on the tarmac, and Eddie excitedly smiles out the window. I can hardly contain my excitement.
I get to see him.
Everything feels different between Christopher and me now. Like we’ve been at war and in the trenches together and are now coming out the other side. I feel closer to him than I ever have, and that’s saying something because we’ve always been close.