Yet part of her protested, horrified. In a world which had become a nuclear powder keg upon which nearly a billion people now sat, it was a mistake—perhaps one of suicidal proportions—to believe there was a difference between good shooters and bad shooters. There were too many shaky hands holding lighters near too many fuses. This was no world for gunslingers. If there had ever been a time for them, it had passed.
Hadn’t it?
She closed her eyes briefly and rubbed at her temples. She could feel one of her headaches coming on. Sometimes they threatened, like an ominous buildup of thunderheads on a hot summer afternoon, and then blew away . . . as those ugly summer brews sometimes simply slipped away in one direction or another, to stomp their thunders and lightnings into the ground of some other place.
She thought, however, that this time the storm was going to happen. It would come complete with thunder, lightning, and hail the size of golf-balls.
The streetlights marching up Fifth Avenue seemed much too bright.
“So how was Oxford, Miz Holmes?” Andrew asked tentatively.
“Humid. February or not, it was very humid.” She paused, telling herself she wouldn’t say the words that were crowding up her throat like bile, that she would swallow them back down. To say them would be needlessly brutal. Andrew’s talk of the world’s last gunslinger had been just more of the man’s endless prattling. But on top of everything else it was just a bit too much and it came out anyway, what she had no business saying. Her voice sounded as calm and as resolute as ever, she supposed, but she was not fooled: she knew a blurt when she heard one. “The bail bondsman came very promptly, of course; he had been notified in advance. They held onto us as long as they could nevertheless, and I held on as long as I could, but I guess they won that one, because I ended up wetting myself.” She saw Andrew’s eyes wince away again and she wanted to stop and couldn’t stop. “It’s what they want to teach you, you see. Partly because it frightens you, I suppose, and a frightened person may not come down to their precious Southland and bother them again. But I think most of them—even the dumb ones and they are by all means not all dumb—know the change will come in the end no matter what they do, and so they take the chance to degrade you while they still can. To teach you you can be degraded. You can swear before God, Christ, and the whole company of Saints that you will not, will not, will not soil yourself, but if they hold onto you long enough of course you do. The lesson is that you’re just an animal in a cage, no more than that, no better than that. Just an animal in a cage. So I wet myself. I can still smell dried urine and that damned holding cell. They think we are descended from the monkeys, you know. And that’s exactly what I smell like to myself right now.
“A monkey.”
She saw Andrew’s eyes in the rear-view mirror and was sorry for the way his eyes looked. Sometimes your urine wasn’t the only thing you couldn’t hold.
“I’m sorry, Miz Holmes.”
“No,” she said, rubbing at her temples again. “I am the one who is sorry. It’s been a trying three days, Andrew.”
“I should think so,” he said in a shocked old-maidish voice that made her laugh in spite of herself. But most of her wasn’t laughing. She thought she had known what she was getting into, that she had fully anticipated how bad it could get. She had been wrong.
A trying three days. Well, that was one way to put it. Another might be that her three days in Oxford, Mississippi had been a short season in hell. But there were some things you couldn’t say. Some things you would die before saying . . . unless you were called upon to testify to them before the Throne of God the Father Almighty, where, she supposed, even the truths that caused the hellish thunderstorms in that strange gray jelly between your ears （the scientists said that gray jelly was nerveless, and if that wasn’t a hoot and a half she didn’t know what was） must be admitted.
“I just want to get home and bathe, bathe, bathe, and sleep, sleep, sleep. Then I reckon I will be as right as rain.”