I’ll just pretend I don’t know her. She can’t do anything to me, not now. What’s she going to do, have me arrested? She couldn’t. Could she? She has no proof it was me. Of course there’s proof it was me.
“Hello, Rosamie.” Her voice hasn’t changed.
“How can I help you?” Noncommittal. I could be talking to a stranger.
“Don’t sound so distant, Rosamie. You know who I am.”
She’s going to destroy my life. Of course she is, I stole millions of dollars from her. Tears immediately start dropping quickly down my cheeks. I have imagined this moment so many times and I knew it would come, but I prayed and prayed it wouldn’t. She could be recording me. I must be careful.
“How is Angelica?”
Mrs. Tai sucks in her breath and it feels like I’ve done something wrong but I’m not sure what. I stole money, I didn’t hurt her kids. I loved her children more than she did. The thought of Rupert makes my stomach hurt even now that all this time has passed.
“Angelica is why I’m calling. Partly.”
Panic, fear, I’m going to throw up. “Is she okay? Did something happen?”
I swear I can hear Mrs. Tai roll her eyes on the phone. She hasn’t changed one bit. “Yes, she’s fine. She’s more grown-up now than when you last saw her.” I resist the urge to bite out a retort. Of course she’s more grown-up, that’s what happens to children. They grow up. I want to speak to her so much but I can’t ask that. I can’t.
“You can’t speak to her so don’t even think about asking.”
“I wasn’t going to.” I sound sullen but I can’t help it.
“Angelica is the only reason I’m calling you instead of calling the police and telling them to contact the Filipino authorities.”
My worst nightmare is hovering at the edges of my sight. Policemen bursting into my small, clean, peaceful office and ruining my life. The humiliation of telling my mother I failed, that I did something terrible, that I am a criminal.
“I thought when I told Angelica what you did, she would be angry with you and she would support me, but that’s not what happened.”
Silence as we both breathe down the phone. Angelica was always very stubborn. I bet she didn’t speak to Mrs. Tai for days, maybe even weeks. If something was going to happen that she didn’t like, there was no persuading her.
“So I’m calling you, not the police. For now anyway. I need the lullaby.”
“The lullaby?”
“Yes, the lullaby Angelica says you always used to sing to her and Rupert.” The irritation in Mrs. Tai’s voice is thick. She can’t bear that she’s asking me, the help, to teach her something she should know. It’s such an obvious failing; the mother who can’t comfort her own child. “She says it’s the only thing that reminds her of Rupert and you used to sing it before bed. I need to know the lullaby so I can sing it to her.”
I don’t bother asking to sing it to Angelica directly. I wish I could speak to her. It’s been five years. I want to know what her life is like, what school is like, who her friends are, what her favorite movie is. I can’t know the answers though. They will remain unanswered questions.
“And if I sing you the lullaby, you won’t get back in touch with me again?”
“No, Rosamie, I won’t get you thrown in jail for robbing me of millions of dollars. Okay?”
I don’t comment, aware that anything I say could be used as an admission if Mrs. Tai is recording this. I clear my throat, self-conscious about singing this small song of comfort that belongs in the quiet calm of a dark bedroom with children being lulled to sleep.