“I can see that…” He manages a crooked smile. “Actually, I’m really glad I ran into you.”
My heart speeds up in my chest. This is the third time we’ve “accidentally” run into each other since the breakup five months ago, but this is the first time he’s been interested in anything more than an awkward hello.
“What’s up?” I say.
“Well, listen…” He shifts between his feet. “I know your situation and all that, but… I really… I can’t…”
“Yes?” I can’t live without you. I want you back.
“I can’t afford to keep paying two rents,” he finishes. The second the words are out of his mouth, he drops his eyes. “I know your financial situation, but… between that and my loan payments, I’m digging into my savings. I can’t… I mean, it’s been almost six months.” He takes a deep breath. “This is the last month I can pay. I’m sorry.”
My stomach sinks. He doesn’t want me back. He’s just sick of bankrolling our old apartment.
To be fair, I can’t blame him. Our apartment wasn’t cheap—nothing in Manhattan is—but it’s hard for me to give it up. Everything about it reminds me of Joel, and giving it up would be like admitting we’ll never get back together. That it’s finally over for good.
“I’m sorry,” he says again. He’s looking at his sneakers, which are a shade on the grayscale, with one dark splotch that may or may not be blood. “I didn’t want to yank the rug out from under you, but… well, like I said, it’s been almost six months.”
I swallow a large lump in my throat. Joel has no idea how bad my financial situation really is, although even if he did, he still wouldn’t agree to keep paying indefinitely. “No, of course. It’s understandable. I… I’ve actually found a new place.”
I don’t know how I got to be such a liar. I always considered myself an extremely truthful person.
“Really?” For the first time since I walked in here, a genuine smile lights Joel’s face. “That’s great!”
I nod. “It’s downtown, in the village. Really cute and bohemian.”
“Well, congratulations.” He looks like he’s about to reach out and touch my shoulder, but at the last moment pulls back. “I’ll have to… well, if you have a housewarming party, maybe I’ll…”
I lift my chin. “Yeah, maybe I’ll send out a Facebook invite. You’re welcome to come.”
Fantastic. Now I’m inviting him to a housewarming party for an apartment I don’t have.
“It’s really great seeing you,” Joel says, glancing back at his seat with his Caffe Mocha growing cold on the table. “So… uh, I guess… I’ll see you around?”
It takes all my willpower to force a smile onto my lips. “Absolutely. Great seeing you too.”
I watch him hurry back to his seat. I stand there in his wake, taking deep, calming breaths. It’s not over. Just because I’m giving up the apartment, it doesn’t mean I’ve lost. I can still save this.
Chapter 3: The Ex
“Micro-studios are very trendy right now, Ms. Mascolo.”
I am standing in the tiniest apartment I’ve ever seen. My real estate broker, Cindy, has now shown me three apartments, each smaller than the last. This one is only seventy square feet. Yes, that’s right. Seven-zero. I need to suck in my breath to fit into the room. There are coffins larger than this apartment.
“And it’s furnished,” Cindy adds, gesturing at the small sofa pushed against the wall, and the tiny desk smashed into a corner. There’s even a mini-fridge on the side of the sofa, doubling as an end table. “You’ll just need a microwave and maybe some sort of hot pot.”