I didn’t fully understand the diagnosis, but I recall asking my older brother Bill, “Is he retarded?”
My brother looked at me crossly and said, “You better not use that word around Mom.”
My mother has always been deeply religious and has a special relationship with the Blessed Mother. I recall her saying novenas on many occasions, and especially after the birth of my brother, but God never did “fix” my brother. In the hospital, doctors told my parents to put my brother in an institution, that he would be a detriment to our family, disruptive and difficult. My mother threw them out of her room. As with Sam Hell’s doctors, her doctors didn’t know what they were talking about, and they weren’t going to prevent her from bringing my brother home.
My mother was one to rock the boat, and she rocked the boat mightily when it came to my brother. She was instrumental in getting laws passed that mandated the state educate the mentally disabled. Soon, young mothers with children like my brother would knock on our door to speak with her. My father was not one to rock the boat. He accepted my brother as he was, never expecting that he’d be anything more or less than who he is, just as he accepted each of us.
As all these thoughts rattled in my head, I was sitting in my room at my computer one afternoon, and I found an article in the local newspaper. It was no more than an inch in length. It said that a young boy in Australia had been denied admittance to Catholic school because he had been born with ocular albinism, and the nuns thought he’d be disruptive to the other students. It turned out that the other students had nicknamed this poor child the devil boy.
That was all that I needed. The first draft of the story poured out of me in five weeks. I would find myself writing one scene and jotting down notes for four scenes to follow. I would awake at three in the morning flooded with dialogue, descriptions, and ideas for future scenes. Writing in first person made the novel personal to me, and I tried to balance that fine line between personal and professional.
When I completed that first draft, I made the fatal mistake of letting my agent read it. I’ve since come to learn that a first draft is written for the writer and should never be shared with anyone. She rightfully did not like the book and told me why. I took this as constructive criticism and, over the years, pulled the book out to work on it, making wholesale changes to the plot, cutting unnecessary scenes and molding it into a novel. I’m so grateful to Meg Ruley, Rebecca Scherer, and the team at the Jane Rotrosen Agency. One thing they said that really stuck with me was that the book was too episodic and needed a connecting thread to pull the reader through the story. I found that thread on a drive to, of all places, Mass. I asked myself what did Sam Hell really want throughout his life, and I found that what he wanted was no different than what I wanted—I think, what we all want.
Sam wanted to believe. He wanted to believe that God really did have a plan for him and for his life, that his hardships as a child would all help mold for him an extraordinary life. He wanted to believe that his prayers had a purpose, that God truly is benevolent, despite so many in the world so often being malevolent. He wanted to believe that God’s will really meant something and was not just a mother’s way of dismissing a curious son.
So, thanks as always to Meg and Rebecca and the Jane Rotrosen Agency for all of your patience, guidance, and perseverance. You push me to write the best novels I can, and it motivates me to do so. Thanks also to Gracie Doyle at Thomas & Mercer, who publishes my mystery and suspense novels and was kind enough to also read Sam Hell. Thanks to Danielle Marshall at Lake Union, my publisher, for her enthusiasm for this project, her guidance, and her steady hand. Thanks to Sarah Shaw, author relations, who always makes me feel special. Thanks to Sean Baker, head of production, and to Nicole Pomeroy, production manager. I’ve said this before, but I love the covers and the titles of each of my novels, and I have them to thank. Thanks to Dennelle Catlett, Amazon Publishing PR, for her tireless efforts promoting me and my work. Thanks to publisher Mikyla Bruder, associate publisher Galen Maynard, and to Jeff Belle, vice president of Amazon Publishing.
Special thanks to Charlotte Herscher, my developmental editor. This is our seventh book together, and we have become quite a team. Charlotte’s suggested edits also struck a chord with me and helped me get out of the way of the story so that the writer could edit, write, and rewrite the novel as never before, shaping and rounding it into a true journey. Thanks to Robin O’Dell, production editor, and Sara Brady, copy editor. When you recognize a weakness, it is a wonderful thing—because then you can ask for help. Grammar and punctuation were never my strengths, and it’s nice to know I have the best looking out for me.