Past it, the green carpet of lawn rolls out to the edge of the dark forest.
Eleanor follows my gaze. ‘Ah, the grounds. Yes, they’re quite lovely this time of year, aren’t they?’ she says with a modest smile. ‘Tea?’
Edward pulls out my chair and I sit, letting out an audible sigh when I realize Robert is not here.
‘Yes, I’d love some,’ I say, the dread inside me loosened. I watch the rest of the family as they slip back into conversation. Two uniformed maids enter, unacknowledged, with steaming tea in silver pots.
I take in everything, this family in its natural environment, the warm scent of lemon cake, buttery scones, the bubble of conversation, dust particles sparkling in the air and the delicate roll of heat off the top of teacups.
I let my eyes flicker over the Holbecks: Matilda and Eleanor, Stuart and Lila, Oliver and Fiona, Edward and I.
The children aren’t present, and neither is Nunu. Which brings me back full circle to Robert.
‘Is, ah—’ I begin, but my voice catches as eyes find me. I clear my throat. ‘Is Robert joining us?’
I feel Edward’s gaze on me now too, surprised by the question.
Eleanor dabs her mouth with a napkin. ‘Mm, sorry, yes, I should have said. Robert is just tying up a few loose ends,’ she answers, then chuckles, giving her children a solicitous look. ‘Though Robert missing our pre-holiday tea is as much an annual tradition as the tea itself.’
A surge of relief buffets through me. He’s not coming. I might not see him until tonight. Which means I will have time to listen to the rest of the tape.
Edward’s hand slips onto my thigh, making me jolt slightly. His look is enquiring: Why am I asking about his father? Is everything okay?
I shake my head lightly, chasing his question away with a quick smile. But he holds my gaze and I suddenly realize I have misunderstood him. He thinks I want Robert here, so that we can tell everyone about the pregnancy together.
He’s asking if I want to tell them now.
‘Oh, okay,’ I say, hearing the surprise in my own voice.
He gives a decisive nod then takes my hand in his and places both down on the white linen tablecloth pointedly.
Eleanor raises an eyebrow at our clasped hands. ‘I have a feeling something’s coming, Ed,’ she says softly. ‘What’s coming?’
Silence descends around the table, teacups caught halfway to mouths, chewing paused.
I flush as Edward speaks beside me, his words somehow muffled as I feel a flutter in my chest. Palpitations. The obstetrician told me the hormones might do this. No stress, he warned me – no stress and plenty of fluids. I down the cool glass of water in front of me.
Smiling eyes flit between Edward and me.
‘… And this morning we found out that we are having a girl,’ Edward finishes, beaming.
Eleanor’s hand flies to her mouth. ‘Oh, Edward, a little girl,’ she gasps with genuine joy.
Words of congratulations cascade around us. Oliver nods his, but beside him I note Fiona’s blank expression. She looks concerned – for me perhaps? For our child? – and for the first time I wonder how much she really knows about this family. My focus is pulled by Lila squeezing me into a tight hug, her eyes twinkling with excitement.
‘A girl,’ Stuart intones wryly. ‘Dad’s going to love that. He’s always said we could do with more female energy in the place. Right?’
Matilda smirks. ‘I think he just says that to you, Stu.’
‘Do you have a name yet?’ Eleanor asks.
‘Her name is Iris,’ I say.