‘Things are …’ I was about to say that things were fine, but then remembered that they were not fine at all. So I said, ‘Weird.’
He looked at me more closely. ‘Well,’ he said. ‘That’s for sure.’
We fell silent for a moment. I watched him delicately picking buds from branches and laying them on to a tray.
‘Why are you still living here?’ I said eventually. ‘Now that you and Birdie …？’
‘Good question,’ he said, not looking up at me. He laid another bud down on the tray, rubbed his fingertips together and then laid his hands in his lap. ‘I guess, because even though I’m no longer with her, she’s still a part of me? You know, the part of love that isn’t about sex, it doesn’t automatically die. Or at least it doesn’t have to.’
I nodded. This was certainly true for me. Although there was a large probability that I might never get the chance to hold Phin’s hand again, or even have another meaningful conversation with him, that did not diminish my feelings for him.
‘Do you think you might get back together with her?’
He sighed. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Maybe. But maybe not.’
‘What do you think of David?’
‘Ah.’
His body language changed subtly. He drew his shoulders closer together, entwined his fingers.
‘Jury’s out,’ he said finally. ‘In some ways I think he’s awesome. In other ways …’ He shook his head. ‘He freaks me out.’
‘Yes,’ I said louder and more fervently than I’d intended. ‘Yes,’ I said again, quietly. ‘He freaks me out too.’
‘In what way, exactly?’
‘He’s …’ I cast my eyes to the sky, looking for decent vocabulary. ‘Sinister.’
Justin emitted a rumble of laughter. ‘Ha, yeah,’ he said. ‘Exactly spot on. Yeah. Sinister.
‘Here.’ He passed me a handful of small yellow daisy-shaped flowers and a roll of string. ‘Tie them into little bundles, by their stalks.’
‘What are they?’
‘It’s calendula. For soothing skin complaints. Brilliant stuff.’
‘And what’s that?’ I gestured towards the tray of tiny yellow buds.
‘This is chamomile. For making tea. Smell that.’ He passed me a bud. I put it to my nose. ‘Isn’t that just the nicest smell?’
I nodded and looped some string around the stems of the calendula, tying it in a bow. ‘Is that OK?’
‘Brilliant. Yeah. So,’ he opened. ‘I heard about you and Phin. The other week. You know, tripping.’
I flushed pink.
‘Man,’ he said, ‘I didn’t touch drugs ’til I was almost eighteen! And what are you? Twelve?’
‘Thirteen,’ I replied firmly. ‘I’m thirteen.’
‘So young!’ he said. ‘Hats off to you.’
I didn’t understand this sentiment. It was so clearly a bad thing I’d done. But I smiled anyway.
‘You know,’ he said conspiratorially. ‘I can grow anything out here. Virtually. Do you know what I mean?’
I shook my head.
‘I don’t just grow stuff that’s good for you. I can grow other stuff. Anything you like.’
I nodded seriously. And then I said, ‘Like drugs, you mean?’