But, as with his first stroke, he never recovered properly. There was an even greater vacancy there. He used the wrong words. Or couldn’t find any words at all. He spent whole days sitting in the armchair in his bedroom eating biscuits, very slowly. Sometimes he’d laugh at inappropriate junctures. Other times he wouldn’t get the joke.
He moved slowly. He avoided stairs. He stopped leaving the house entirely.
And the weaker my father became, the closer to the mark David Thomsen stepped.
By the time I turned fourteen in May 1991, we had rules. Not just normal family rules like no feet on the furniture, or do your homework before you watch TV. Not the sort of rules we’d had for all our lives.
No, now we had crazy, despotic rules, written out in black marker on a large poster that was taped to the kitchen wall. I can still remember them to this day:
No haircuts WITHOUT PERMISSION of David and/or Birdie
No television
No visitors WITHOUT PERMISSION of David and/or Birdie
No vanity
No greed
Nobody to leave the building without the EXPRESS PERMISSION of David and/or Birdie
No meat
No animal products
No leather/suede/wool/feathers
No plastic containers
No more than four pieces of rubbish per day per person, including food waste
No unnatural coloured clothes
No pharma
No chemicals
One wash or shower PER PERSON PER DAY
One shampoo per week
ALL RESIDENTS must spend a minimum of two hours a day with David in the exercise room
ALL CHILDREN must spend a minimum of two hours a day with Birdie in the music room
All food must be homecooked from organic ingredients
No electric or gas heating
No shouting
No swearing
No running
This list of rules had started quite short and was added to at intervals as David’s control of our household got stronger and stronger.
Sally, at this stage, still used to come to the house once or twice a week, to take the children out for tea. She was sleeping on a friend’s sofa in Brixton and desperately trying to find some kind of accommodation big enough for them all to live in. Phin would be extra sullen after spending time with his mother. He would lock himself in his room and miss the next couple of meals. It was because of Phin, in fact, that a lot of the rules were put in place. David found his moods untenable. He could not bear the wasted food, or the door which he was unable to open at will. He could not bear anyone doing anything that did not directly correspond with his own view of the world. He could not bear teenagers.
Two new rules were added:
No locked doors
ALL MEALS to be attended by ALL members of the household
One morning, shortly after the fifth time Phin had come back from spending the afternoon with his mother and broken the rule about ‘No locked doors’， I went upstairs to find David removing the locks from inside Phin’s room, his jaw clenched, his knuckles tight around the handle of the screwdriver.
Phin sat on his bed, watching with his arms folded hard across his chest.
When at dinnertime Phin was still sitting on his bed with his arms folded, silent and deathly, David dragged him down by his – still folded – arms and threw him into a chair.
He forcibly pushed the chair into place and served Phin a large bowl of curried marrow and rice. Phin’s arms remained crossed. David got to his feet, piled some curry on to a spoon and forced it to Phin’s lips. Phin locked his lips together. I could hear the spoon hitting his teeth. The atmosphere was shocking. Phin, at this stage, was fifteen and a half, but looked much older. He was tall and he was strong. The situation looked as though it could turn violent very easily. But Phin stood his ground, his eyes boring a hole into the wall opposite, his whole face rigid with anger and determination.