“Mom.” He reached for her hand. “You don’t embarrass me.”
“Good. Then you can invite her to our big fortieth anniversary dinner.”
The regular Cutler family dinners were a mixture of bickering, disagreeing, and once in a while, a good food fight to boot. Holidays were regular family dinner times two. His parents’ fortieth anniversary dinner, four weeks from now, would be exponentially worse. He wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy. “Mom, that’s really not necessary—”
“Oh no, you don’t.” She sucked in a deep breath, her eyes sparkling with sudden tears. “You think I don’t know that you’re underplaying what happened last night? How we could’ve lost you? With Jane, you’ve finally moved on from Amy’s passing and are ready to live your life, and in one fell swoop it could’ve been over.”
There was a single beat of uncomfortable silence. The Cutlers didn’t do emotions well. No one, not his dad and certainly not his sister, wanted to discuss feelings. Ever.
Levi wasn’t much better. Yes, Amy had been the first person in his life to understand him, to get who he was, and he’d adored her for that. With her, he’d never had to explain himself or his differences. She’d actually been a lot like him, and while he’d never been as convinced as she that their genuine affection and love for each other meant that they were in love or that they’d make good life partners, he was afraid he’d never find that easy acceptance again. Thinking about her gave him a definite ache, but after two years, he’d finally gotten good at dealing with his shit. “You didn’t lose me, Mom. I’m right here.”
“I know, and I’m grateful for that. And I love that you’re finally seeing someone,” she said in that fierce mama bear tone she’d been using with a hundred percent success rate on him since birth. “All I’m asking for is a chance to meet the woman who brought your big, beautiful heart back to life.”
His so-called big, beautiful heart pinched. Calling home last night had been beyond stupid. But more, it’d been selfish.
“I thought we’d lost you,” she said quietly, desperately.
“I’m really okay—”
“I meant when you left Tahoe. We hardly ever see you anymore.”
Okay, true. But that hadn’t been just about losing Amy. It’d also been because he’d felt . . . smothered here. San Francisco had been good for him, really good.
His mom came close and cupped his face. “When you called last night, there was something in your voice.”
Yes, because he’d been pretty sure he’d been about to die a terrible, horrible death.
“You had love in it,” she whispered. “I could tell you were deeply moved. Clearly, Jane did that for you. I want to meet her, Levi. I want to hug her and thank her. And feed her. At my anniversary dinner.”
Yeah, he was a selfish idiot. “Mom, that’s weeks from now. By then I’ll be back in the city. You and Dad usually go out, just the two of you.”
“Not this year. This year I’m having a dinner party with my family, and that means you. And you can’t leave and come back. Mateo said you’ll have to rest for several weeks at least. So see, you will be here for the dinner.”
“That is not anything close to what he said.”
“That’s what I heard.” His mom looked at Levi’s dad. “Tell him, Hank.”
Levi’s dad turned to him. “You should do what you want, son. You always did.”
There was a lot to unpack with that statement, but Levi’s head was throbbing and his vision was blurry and all he wanted was to close his eyes. “I can take care of myself while I heal.”