“You had months to tell me these details when We. Were. Together!”
“Well, in those months, the fucking club was the last thing I wanted to talk about for the few hours I got to steal and escape with you. Up until I met you, my whole life was work. With you, I was selfish. I told you that. I’ve admitted it, I’ve apologized for it. But back then, in that time, with you, I was just…myself, me, Tobias. Just a man in love with a woman and loving the freedom I felt because of it.” I exhale. “I couldn’t risk telling you those details about Preston, Cecelia. I’d already handed you my own demise. And we were still undefinable at that point, all the way up until the day we imploded.”
“Preston,” she scoffs, “even so, you still haven’t learned, have you? Secrets and omissions tore us apart before and will again.” Fury radiates through her frame as I try and stop the hemorrhaging before it starts.
“I won’t let that happen.”
“Won’t you?”
“I’m trying, Cecelia, so fucking hard.” Pulling off my hoodie, I run a hand through my hair before gripping the back of my shirt, tossing it off. Her eyes immediately drop, to the floor, disintegrating any hopes I had of resuming the intimacy we shared this morning.
Tempted to drive my fist through the drywall, I clench it at my side instead, as my frustration threatens to boil over.
“What you did today,” she says softly, “for my mother, was…indescribable, so…selfless, and one of the most incredible humane acts I’ve ever witnessed, which only made me love you more.”
I step forward, and she jerks her head back up, her eyes filled with accusation. “And you ruined it! You ruined it by being the same jackass you’ve always been!”
“By being honest?!”
I step forward and invade her space, eager for this fight. Because she’s fighting her emotions now, and they’re winning, and to me, that’s more important than the why of it.
“You ruined it by keeping me in the dark about the details. All these things, if I would have known even half of them, I would have had a better understanding of you, you fucking jackass!”
“You do understand me! You see inside me, you’ve been in places no one else has.”
“Maybe so, but these things you consider details are vitally important to me, Tobias.”
“Are you on your sugar pills?”
“What?!”
“Nothing. Keep your voice down. Your parents are outside.” My head begins to pound.
Welcome to the bliss of domestic life, Tobias.
But it’s not my own voice I hear. It’s Sean’s. “I didn’t have time—”
“More excuses, not reasons.” She shakes her head and scoffs. “Haven’t you ever in your life blurted anything out? Ever?”
“Once or twice, but only when fighting with you. And you know better, I’ve trained myself never to do that, you should know—”
“Oh, I know! Trust me, I know, you stupid French ape!”
Biting my bottom lip, I dart my eyes away.
“Don’t you laugh at me! This isn’t fucking funny! This right here is the why, Tobias. This is why a majority of our problems exist, because of your fucking secrecy!” She slaps her chest where her heart lay. “You want in here?”
“Yes,” I clip, my blood boiling.
“You want back in here?” She says it again.
“Yes, god damnit, that’s all I want!”
She rounds the bed and steps up to me, and smacks the side of my head with her finger. “Then let me in here!” I gape at her in shock as she steps away, launching the next missile over her shoulder, “until then, you’re wasting your fucking time here.”