Dicing some onion, I glance back at the pile of shit I bought for the night and wince about the fact that it might be overkill. I was assured Cecelia would love it. Itching to take another drink of gin, I forgo it as the sunlight begins to fade and glance at the time on my cell. The café closed an hour ago. She should be home. I shoot a text to the new birds on watch.
What’s her twenty?
Café.
I swallow back the sting she may be avoiding me and resume my chopping.
Stretching my neck to relieve it of some of the tension, I sit on one of the sofas in my café gazing into the fire while my phone charges.
As soon as it powers up, I see a missed text from Christy. A picture of her boys in the hand-sewn Halloween costumes she worked on for months. I heart the image and shoot a return text.
Awesome. Love you.
The bubbles start and stop, and I know why. I haven’t called or FaceTimed her since Tobias showed up, and I know she’s angry with me. When I got to Virginia, I called her daily, and being the friend she is, she talked me through setting up in a new life, my heart freshly re-broken.
The fucking usual.
Her texts have become shorter, more abrupt as of late because mine have become non-existent. She’s put up with years of this shit from me and doesn’t deserve it. If anything, she deserves a better friend, and I’ve abused our friendship to the point she should be seriously pissed at me. The truth is, I’m tired of lying.
I’ve been doing it for too long, and it’s shortchanged our relationship.
She’s my constant, my family, and she deserves better, but it’s all part of the cost of loving Tobias. If I tell her I’m with him again, I know I won’t have her support. And worse, if he breaks my heart all over again, I don’t know if I can handle the ‘I told you so.’ So, for now, I’m hiding instead of lying.
This morning, I was ready to give in to what I feel for him, but soon after we were interrupted, I was struck by a gnawing fear that doing so could land me right back to a starting point I’ve been pushed back to one too many times before.
But I love him. And I want him, badly. The craving is getting harder to ignore. We’ve been sleeping in the same bed for nearly a month, and I haven’t once permitted myself to get lost in him.
“Earth to Cecelia.”
I glance up at Marissa to see her shaking her head. It’s then I realize she’s been standing in front of me with the deposit in hand, and I tuned her out the whole time she was trying to get my attention.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I said I’d take the deposit if you want to head home.” She shoulders her purse and smiles down at me. “Boss, please know I have your best interests at heart when I say this.”
“Okay?”
“Put yourself out of your misery and fuck the man, already.” She lifts a brow as my lips part. “First and foremost, I’ve seen him, and not even the Messiah himself will blame you for fornicating sinfully and often with him. You can think it through all you want, but combine sexual tension, old hurts, conflicting feelings, and what-ifs, and you two are going to be hamsters on roller skates for some time.”
“Isn’t it a hamster on a wheel?”
“Which do you think is harder for the hamster?”
I laugh and shake my head at her. “You’re nuts.”
“You’re still punishing him.”
“Trust me. I have reason to. But I’m…I want to let it go.”
“So,” she nudges me and grins. “Go home and mount that fucking lion, mouse.”