He forces my eyes to his with his grip, and I close them, a tear rolling down my cheek as I start to shut down, bit by bit. “Don’t do this,” I warn. “If you do, you put a bullet in us. I’m not bluffing, Tobias. I’ll give you anything but this.”
Recognition seeps into his gaze, and he knows I mean it.
“You’re the one who has to trust, Tobias. You have to trust me, and you just can’t, can you? After all we’ve been through, you can’t trust in us at all. You refuse to believe that no matter what happens, whatever comes our way, whatever danger we face, we can face it together. But you’ve hardwired yourself not to. But hear me, I won’t bend on this. I won’t forgive this. I’ll never look back if you break us this way.”
“Look at me, Cecelia.”
“You don’t want me to look at you right now, Tobias, because all I’ll see when I do is a fucking liar who continually breaks my heart—and his promises. And up until ten minutes ago, I saw a man who I would walk through eternal hell for. This is the one thing you can do that will end us for good.”
I slam my palms against his chest. “So close. I was so fucking close. I guess third time is the charm for you, isn’t it?”
“Cecelia—”
He’s really going to do it. He’s leaving me.
“This is it, Tobias, of all the decisions you’ve made, this will be the one to make or break us. And it’s yours to make. I made mine. All you have to do is trust me. There’s no other way around it. I’m not waiting for you to come to the right conclusion, and your time is already running out. You made a fucking promise to me. And you already broke the first two by refusing to tell me what’s going on. You think I’m ignorant to the fact that you’re hiding something? You think I’m fucking ignorant to you? You can’t hide from me!”
“I don’t know what’s going on,” he explodes, “and that’s the truth! I can’t give you a truth I don’t have! I don’t know what’s going on, and I can’t protect us if I’m in the fucking dark.”
“But you know something, right? Enough about something to know where to look, right?” I counter, his eyes lower, and more tears slide free.
“You’re ruining this. We just got each other back, and you’re ruining this because you refuse to fucking trust me!”
His eyes flicker as he keeps me pinned to the door. I’m not sure who’s blocking who anymore, but while my hope shrivels, my goddamned heart is still fighting, and I know without a doubt I mean every word I’m saying. This I can’t forgive. This I refuse to forgive.
A pained grunt leaves him as he claims my mouth in a searing kiss, and I jerk away, snapping at his lips, which only earns me a pleasured groan. I push at his chest. “You’ll get no farewell kiss from me, you sick bastard. You always did love the taste of the tears you cause.”
“Oh, I’m fucking sick, all right. Sick of being afraid of what I can’t see! I can’t do anything if I don’t know what’s happening! I can’t protect you if I don’t know what’s coming!” He shakes his head as if I’m clueless and spins me, using his weight to press me to the door. I scream out in frustration, furious that I’m unable to move, furious he’s using his strength to restrain me. He’s too strong, and I’m powerless against him. “I hate you,” it comes from deep within as he presses his full weight into me, anger rolling off his frame.
“Je t’aime,” I love you, he says, pressing his chest into my back, laying his forehead against my shoulder. “Don’t shut me out, Cecelia. Wait for me.”
“No!”
“Don’t shut me out. Don’t do it. I’ll come back. I need two days. Two days. Can’t you give me that?”