Until then, Rufus is going to be a kid.
He’s going to have fun with his bike.
He’s going to be a good son and brother and friend.
He’s going to live.
Mateo Torrez Jr.
3:14 p.m.
Death-Cast did not call Mateo Torrez Jr. because he is not dying today.
That doesn’t mean he isn’t still living in fear.
Ever since midnight, when the Death-Cast calls began, Mateo has been scared, staying close to his father. Mateo even slept in his father’s bed last night, resting on the left side that once belonged to his mother, who died giving birth to him. Maybe it’s all the fantasy books he’s read growing up （particularly the Scorpius Hawthorne series, which is chock-full of prophecies） but Mateo has always imagined that he’s been marked for an early death because of the life that ended when creating him. He was so sure that Death-Cast was going to call his father last night, sharing the tragic news that Mateo would be dying, but the phone never rang.
So then why can’t Mateo breathe?
He’s arrived at Althea Park with his father. There’s plenty of fresh air, but he still feels like death must be hiding around every corner. Like a pack of dogs could jump all over Mateo, which might seem like a good time for some people, but his allergies are so bad that he could break out into hives and his lungs could close up from anaphylactic shock and he could die.
He’d hate to leave his father alone, especially after killing the woman he loved the most in this world.
The first time his father—Mateo Sr., known to his friends as Teo—sat Mateo down to talk about Death-Cast, all Mateo could think about is how the day he was born would’ve been different if only his father could have prepared for his wife’s death. As Mateo understands it, his mother wasn’t expected to die during childbirth, and the death shocked his father, who didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to the woman he imagined his life with as he held their only child together for the first time.
Now look at Mateo.
Given the gift of life, and too scared to open it.
Mateo is trying to be brave, but it’s much harder than people think. He doesn’t agree with those who believe fear to be a choice. There have been many times he would have liked to fight his way out of fear’s entanglements, where he would have chosen to live, but it also felt like fear had this impossibly tight grip on him, like tentacles wrapped around his neck and wrists and ankles, holding him back. One of many reasons he admires his best friend, Lidia, is that she carries herself like she was made for this world. She stands up for herself whenever people make her uncomfortable, and while she can be choosy, she can make friends with anyone.
Sometimes Mateo thinks about why anyone would want to be friends with him.
Why anyone would choose him.
He’s thinking the same thing now as he looks at all the other kids in the park. Most of them are running across the jungle gym as if there’s no risk of falling and hurting themselves. There’s a boy on a bike that seems too big for him, but maybe he’ll grow into it. As the boy rides past Mateo, he takes a step back because Mateo knows good and well that he is not invincible.
“You don’t want to play?” Teo asks.
Mateo wants to, but he doesn’t know how to.
And he knows how to, but he doesn’t want to.
Actually, he wants to and he knows how to, but he doesn’t know how to get out of his head to do anything. He ends up just being stuck.
For someone who’s often praised for his kindness and generosity, Mateo sure can be his own worst enemy.
“I’m okay, Dad,” Mateo lies.
He doesn’t like making people feel bad, especially his father, who works so hard to give him a good life. But today has been difficult. From what he understands Death-Cast really wants people to live, but Mateo still can’t help but be confused about how much of life is now free will and how much of it is destined. Would people die if Death-Cast didn’t call? Are people now living recklessly because they’ve been told that tomorrow is still on the horizon for them? Or are the deaths set in stone? The questions hurt his brain, and not having an answer squeezes his heart.