I grab his hand.
“Do you think that you’ll write about me?”
“There won’t be enough words, but you’re giving me the time to try to find them.”
I pull Orion into my lap and we stare at each other.
“Thanks for welcoming me into the O-Zone.”
“Thanks for walking into my life.”
“Thanks for saving mine.”
“Thanks for saving mine,” Orion repeats.
We kiss like it’s a challenge to see how long we can before death breaks us apart.
Then as we get more excited, we give in to a special first for both of us.
I flip Orion to the bed, and he fakes concern over the unlit candle but he’s speechless when I lift off my shirt. His fingers trail down from my collarbone and through my pecs and trace my abs before unbuttoning my pants. It’s much smoother than me wrestling with his skinny jeans that cling to his legs for dear life. But once we’re both fully naked, we stare at each other with the biggest smiles.
“Best day ever,” I say.
“Best motherfucking day ever,” Orion says.
Then we move as if the world could end in the next minute.
He passes me a condom, and I slide it on and slowly move inside him, and it feels so good that I can’t believe I’m only going to be able to experience this once.
The only thing I can do is no different from what I’ve done all day: live in the moment.
Our hands are pressed to each other’s beating hearts as Orion and I continue living this incredible first together.
PART FOUR
The End
On behalf of everyone here at Death-Cast, we are sorry to lose you.
—Joaquin Rosa, creator of Death-Cast
Orion
6:06 p.m.
That first time was better than I could’ve imagined—and I’m a fucking writer!
Seriously, I’m surprised I survived it. I’m not saying the sex was wild or anything like that, it’s just been tricky dealing with all these hormones as my heart stuff worsens. I was starting to swear sex was going to be too risky, like skydiving or rock climbing. I’m not interested in jumping out of planes or scaling mountains, but sex has always been pretty high on my to-do list, and Valentino was the perfect first partner. It was slow, like I always thought it would be, and he checked in on me every step of the way, never trying to rush through it even though the clock is ticking louder and louder on his End Day. He wanted to live in that first time as long as I did, and it’s as if we turned minutes into hours.
But real talk, we’re talking minutes here.
Some of my favorite minutes ever.
Now, I’m showering down the hall from my bedroom, wanting to get back to Valentino. The whole time I’m rinsing my hair and body I’m torn between memories of how good everything felt and how bad everything will feel when he’s gone.
Something that’s only just beginning will be ending just as soon as it started.
His death can happen at any moment.
It could be happening right now.
It could have happened already.
The thought of Valentino being dead in my bedroom scares me.
I get out of the shower, barely drying off even with the sudden memory of Valentino busting his ass this morning at his apartment because he was dripping from his own shower, and I remember that I’m not in the clear yet either, that today could be my End Day too, but I can’t stop myself from needing to see him alive, alive, alive, alive, alive. I open my bedroom door, and Valentino is sitting at my desk and talking into the camera.