I stay on the phone, and we cry together.
When the door opens, I’m hoping for a miracle. But Valentino doesn’t enter with all the blood back in his body or all his cuts and bruises brushed away as if they were photoshopped. It’s Dr. Emeterio, and she speaks with Floyd and Dayana while glancing over at me. I go to reach for Dalma’s hand to find that she’s already holding mine. I squeeze so hard that I might pulverize her bones and my phone.
“Is Valentino okay?” I ask.
Scarlett holds back her cries, listening for an answer too.
Dr. Emeterio’s face is one big spoiler. “Valentino is showing signs of brain death.”
It’s like I’m falling down the stairs again, the air being knocked out of me, everything hurting so much that I’m ready to black out. She’s talking about his oxygen levels and putting him on a ventilator and additional prep work and tons of other things that I can’t process because Valentino’s brain is shutting down, aka he’s basically dead.
“Are you ready to receive Valentino’s heart, Orion?” Dr. Emeterio asks.
I’m so thrown off, I feel like I’m not worthy enough for this. Or even like I’m guilty because the stars were always aligning in a way where he would die so I could live.
“Orion?” Scarlett calls for me through the phone. “You’re not going to let my brother’s heart go to waste, are you?”
Her question feels two-sided: I shouldn’t reject the transplant, and I should put it to good use once it’s successfully inside me.
I won’t, and I will.
This is what Valentino wanted and this is what I want too.
“I’m going to live,” I vow, even though Death-Cast could be wrong about me.
Then the end begins so quickly.
I’m rushed into another room and as they’re prepping me for surgery I’m thinking about how it’s time to say goodbye to my heart, the one that my parents gave me. It was always supposed to be there, but now it’s like someone telling me that my shadow is going to stop following me around. My life is about to be suddenly reshaped because of a sudden death and that’s assuming I don’t go down too.
I get a minute with Team Young before Dr. Emeterio wants to put me under, and there isn’t enough time to tell everyone everything I could say to them and everything I want for them so all I say is “Thanks for making me feel like one of your own.” I could live in this group hug forever.
But I can’t.
I have one more stop before we can begin.
“I need to see Valentino first.”
There’s no fighting me on this.
I’m brought in to the operation room where Valentino is on the bed, his face still beat.
I lean in and whisper the words I should’ve said when I knew he could’ve heard me, and then I kiss him for the last time.
Then I’m off to the operating table.
If all goes well, Valentino will live in me for the rest of my life.
But I don’t know how this ends.
PART FIVE
The Beginning
I’ve always loved the expression “Out with the old, in with the new.” It holds meaning to every individual person. It can be about anything. A lover, an organ. Even a way of life—a way of death. What does it mean for you?
—Joaquin Rosa, creator of Death-Cast
August 1, 2010
Orion
1:19 a.m.