I felt like an intruder as they prepared to say goodbye—a feeling reinforced by the fact that there wasn’t enough room in the kitchen for a fifth chair. Sidonie insisted I take hers, but that simply meant she hovered behind me, wringing her hands and sobbing. Levi was beside me, his face blanched with pain as he sat twisted on the hard wooden chair. He was determined the family should farewell Moshe together, and the original plan was for us to meet at the train station—but his back was so bad that day, the kitchen was as far as he could manage.
“We mustn’t take long or Moshe will miss his train,” he said stiffly, and after that, Moshe went to fetch his suitcase from his bedroom. When he returned, Mayim embraced him, weeping into his chest.
“I love you. I’ll miss you,” she choked out. I couldn’t remember when he grew taller than us, but at sixteen, Moshe towered over Mayim and me. He seemed mature beyond his years—calm and reserved. When the time came for Moshe to hug me goodbye, he spoke quietly in my ear.
“Look after her, won’t you?”
I’d been dry-eyed as Mayim’s moral support, but the concern in his voice made my eyes sting. I cleared my throat as we separated and tried to keep my voice light as I said, “Isn’t it you we should be worried about, venturing off into the big wide world on your own?”
Moshe shook his head.
“I’ll only be in Krakow,” he said quietly. He glanced toward his family, then dropped his voice as he added, “I wish they could all come with me.” The rest of the family were Polish citizens, but Levi was not, and Poland was issuing few entry visas to German Jews. “Papa says Germany is our home, but is a place really ‘home’ if you’re not welcome there anymore? I’ll be safe in Poland. I wish I could say the same for those I’m leaving behind.”
18
Lizzie
Dallam County, Texas
1935
Mother was baking bread. I smelled it in the air before my eyes opened at dawn, the delicious scent overpowering the ambient scent of dust.
Today was going to be a good day. We had fresh bread and Mother knew about Judge Nagle and she thought I was strong like her.
“I talked to Dad last night,” Mother murmured as I came into the kitchen. My jaw dropped, and she smiled sadly. “We don’t keep secrets from one another and he needed to know.”
“Was he…？”
“He took it about as well as you’d expect. Makes it even more important that we have some time together today. That’s why I’m making us a picnic,” she told me firmly.
“That bread I smell?” Dad called gruffly from the bedroom.
“Yes, Hank. Get yourself up and dressed. We’re going out.”
“I don’t feel—”
“Hank.”
I couldn’t even see Dad’s face, but I could sense the change in mood. There was a stretch of silence and then a heavy sigh before I heard him moving about in the bedroom. Mother and I shared a smile.
“One down,” she said under her breath. “One to go.”
There was no resisting Mother in that mood—Henry wouldn’t even try. I threw my arms around her, feeling a rush of affection.
“I love you, Mother,” I said. The words felt stiff and awkward on my tongue, and for the briefest moment, I wasn’t sure how she’d react. She loved me—of course she loved me—but did she want to hear me say it? Mother’s arms wrapped around me and she squeezed me back, hard.
“I love you too, honey. Now, boil me up some eggs. We’re having egg sandwiches.”
It was the perfect day for a picnic. After weeks of that constant wind that left us so tired, the day was completely still. The dust haze cleared and the heat felt promising instead of menacing, like the spring days of old.
A basket full of egg sandwiches and some bread and butter pickles didn’t fix a single thing, but it did give us an excuse to take the Hoover wagon into Dalhart, where we sat in the park beneath some trees. It had been some months since Daddy even made an attempt to leave the farm, and I couldn’t actually remember the last time we’d all been out together for fun. We sat on a rug as Mother poured sweet tea from a thermos into little metal mugs.
“No sadness today,” she announced. “I don’t want anyone talking about the drought or the wheat or the farm or what’s going to happen. Today, we’re just together.” She made eye contact with each of us, then added pointedly, “Got it?”
We all nodded obediently, and for the next few hours, it was like we didn’t have a care in the world.