Our food finally arrives. I dig in, under the pretense that I’m starving, but mostly I’m hiding from my friends because I don’t agree with their advice. Knowing Tucker loves someone else will break me.
I’d rather go my whole life in limbo than have him tell me that he’s fallen in love with a woman who isn’t me.
*
When I get home, Nana is napping with Jamie, allowing me to get a few hours of studying in before dinner. Ray’s on the sofa, blaring the television, which means I can’t read in the kitchen. I’m getting tired of being shut in my cramped bedroom with the crib, my twin bed, and a thousand and five baby items, but I don’t have much of a choice. Sticking a pair of earplugs in, I manage to read through all of my crim law and torts before I hear the thin wail of my hungry child.
“You home, Sabrina?” Nana calls through the door.
I hop up and greet her. “Yup. Got home a couple hours ago. You two were sleeping.” I reach out and pluck Jamie from her arms. My baby doll whimpers and roots around, mouthing me over my shirt. “I better feed her.”
“You do that. I’m going to run to the store for a few things. We’re almost out of milk and cheese.”
“’Kay.” I start to close the door, but Nana stops me.
“You should get out of there,” she says, peering over my shoulder into the confined space. “You’ll go nuts.”
“It’s fine,” I reply, even though she’s right. The room is feeling smaller every day.
She shrugs, her body language telling me that it’s my funeral.
Before I get the door closed, I hear her yell at Ray. “That TV is too loud, Ray. It’ll hurt the baby’s ears.”
He mumbles something indistinguishable. I’m sure it’s some variation of “fuck the baby.”
Three more years. Three more years and then I’ll land that BigLaw job and get the hell out of this place.
Nana and Ray exchange a few more terse words—her voice is sharp and his is angry. The energy in this house is so damn negative.
I cuddle Jamie closer to me. “We’re going to get out of this place soon.”
She cries, a plaintive, hungry sound. I unbutton my shirt and pull it to the side, bouncing her in my arms as I do. She keeps crying, though.
A moment later, Ray pounds on my door. “Shut that fucking baby up. My game is on.”
I close my eyes and pray for patience. Jamie shouts her annoyance and I look down to discover that the silicon nipple pad is hindering her efforts to feed. I rip it off and throw it on the dresser.
Ray knocks again. “I’m talking to you, Rina!”
I wrench open the door, Jamie latched on to my boob, and confront the asshole. “She’s a baby, not a machine. I don’t turn her on and off at will, okay? And it’s not like I enjoy hearing her cry, you asshole. I’m doing everything I can to make her happy.”
“Doesn’t look like you’re good at anything but being a suck toy,” he grunts. His hot beer breath washes over me.
Anger burns in my gut. I swing the door closed, but it bounces back toward me as he slams his hand against it.
“Get out,” I order. I don’t want this man anywhere near my daughter, and I don’t care if I have to kick him in the balls to make that clear.
Ray’s not much taller than me and is skinny as a rail, but he manages to kick the door out of my hand and stalk forward.
I back up, my legs hitting the mattress. “Get out,” I repeat.
My heart starts beating rapidly. Ray has never been violent, never raised a hand to me, but in this moment, the look in his eyes makes every hair on my body stand on end. I clutch Jamie closer to me. She whimpers and I force myself to loosen the hold.
“Your tits are huge.” His tongue peeks out from between his lips.
I draw one side of my shirt closed. But the other one still has Jamie latched to it.
“What’s that milk taste like?”
A chill races down my spine. My milk is sweet, but the fear tastes like copper against my tongue. “You need to leave right now,” I growl.
“You’ve got two tits and only one mouth on ’em.” He reaches toward me, slowly and creepily.
I scramble backward, keeping a protective hold on my daughter. “Stay away from us, Ray. I mean it. Come any closer and I swear I’ll rip your eyes out.”
“Why don’t you give me a taste? I’ve been thinking about what a juicy piece you must be. And I’ve had your mama and your grandma. Why not the youngest? It’ll be my Ray Donaghy hat trick.”